Ogechi Egonu, 17, California
High school senior, Rookie contributor.

How do you feel when you know a holiday where you’ll see extended family is coming up?

I basically un-Ogechi myself. Most people know that I like to stand out, wear my blue lipstick, big hair, and crop tops. But around my family? Mm-mm. I pull out the matriarch dress, and basically end up looking as plain as possible. We have a big Nigerian family so I’ve gotten used to the smile and nod, hug the aunty routine.

Do you go to family events willingly?

Nope. Does anybody?

Have you ever had an encounter where a family member goes against your views? How did you handle it?

Respect for your elders is a really big part of Nigerian culture. Even if your argument is completely rational and you have all the facts, you’re never supposed to talk back because it’s seen as super disrespectful. It’s just not something that you do. For example, when I first heard about my grandmother’s stroke, I was really emotional. But my uncle was like “stop showing emotions.” I started yelling at him and asking him why he thought he had the right to try to control my reaction. Of course, that didn’t go over well. After he’d left, my mom made me call him to apologize, even though she knew I was in the right. On the phone, he told me that he forgave me because I’m a woman and women’s emotions are always out of balance. Ooh, god was on my side that day because I was this close to going off on him again. I didn’t, because I knew that it would only get worse if I said something. Even my mom had to try to contain herself. It still makes me mad just thinking about it now.

Who in your family brings up political issues?

There’s always that one uncle. We might be watching the news and one of them will have had a bit too much Irish Cream, then it will go from things going well to the family getting into really heated arguments.

Do you think it’s more effective to bite your tongue or to start a discussion with a family member whom you disagree with? Can you weigh pros and cons of each? Does the answer change depending on the scenario?

Bite my tongue, always. Because, as I said before, resistance is futile in our family. I definitely understand when people say to call out your family members, but in our family it just doesn’t work.

If you speak up, do family members ever back you up?

Mostly my siblings. Sometimes my mom will halfheartedly back me up. She’s the bridge between me and my other relatives. She gets where I’m coming from and she understands me, but she also thinks that the Nigerian culture of respect is more important at family functions than me talking about social justice.

What advice do you have for other teenagers who find themselves in similar situations?

I’m lucky because I have siblings who have similar mindsets as me, so I have people in my family whom I can talk to if things get bad. But if you don’t, honestly I would just say hang in there, because eventually you’re going to leave home.