Steffany

I’ve spent the past week into someone who does the bare minimum and gives me mixed signals. It’s been exhausting. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to go for it. I’m starting to find the language to articulate the situation. It’s weird, because there seems to be a huge disconnect between the person whom everyone warned me about, and the person whom I converse with on an almost daily basis. It’s probably not that big of a deal, but I often find that the size of the campus, and then the size of my social circle has a tendency to make small things feel much more life altering than they are.

In this situation, this person is fine as hell. On top of that, they’re pretty smart, and seemingly supportive. However, as the curtain is pulled back, I wonder if that support is due in large part to what I can give in return. Which brings me to the biggest conundrum of the whole ordeal: What does he want from me? I haven’t been able to get to a place where I can upfront ask him, but it’s something that I’m constantly thinking about. What can I give you and why are you stringing me along? I know this may be all over the place, but it’s indicative of how I feel. I spend most of my time zoning out and wondering what’s wrong with him.

Then, there’s the I-told-you-so factor from a lot of my friends, who did indeed tell me so. They try not to make me feel bad. In the end, they were absolutely correct. This campus has a way of making us depraved. It can feel like there’s so little and everyone is fighting for the same thing—a man, a position of power that only matters on a campus (RA/Student Government). It’s important for me to constantly look outside of here to stay grounded. I’m better than this guy and his games, but I have to go on break to fully get over it all. Thank goodness I only have a week left in this semester. I’m tackling my finals now and then I’m out! I hope the break restores me, and that he doesn’t hit me up. Only time will tell. ♦