Steffany

I’m not sure if I’ve ever had an experience much like what I’m living through. I imagine, years from now in someone’s living room, I’ll be describing this period of my life as formative. Maybe, I’ll embellish the drama, so that it feels as hefty as it does to me at this moment. And then I’ll laugh, because it’s far behind me.

However, from where I stand, most days bring about some kind of drama. Whether it’s the politics of school, like the budget for events that’d bring Black artists on campus possibly being rescinded or trying to stay afloat in a sea of schoolwork, I’m barely getting any rest! I’m miserable some days, hanging in suspension and completely unsure others, but also fluid?

I’m happy to be alive. I love my family (I will probably complain about them next week, that’s life!). I’m happy to be wearing my favorite jacket in the fall breeze. I’m getting a better understanding of and appreciation for who I am. Every day on this campus, I encounter a perception of myself. Some of these are projected and can be crushing, but I’ve managed to forge ahead with a strong sense of self anyway.

I often have to just disengage. It took stepping back from everything to do that. It took going to D.C. It took staring down history and what came before me and deliberately looking for restorative moments. The most important moment of this week, which I hope to now make routine: Letting my twistout down and applying lipgloss while being completely enamored with my own image. Allowing myself to be vain, and with a nod and a wink to acknowledge that I love the woman I’m becoming. All the sleepless nights will result in something eventually. I’ll be a’ight. ♦