Cammy

I just realized how much I know about the people I know, and how they don’t know that I know super intimate things about them. I’m only close with a few people, but it just clicked that I know things about my classmates that their friends don’t even know.

It all comes from this one friend who tells me a lot of other people’s business. I don’t blame that person for being a bad friend and telling everyone’s business, though. If I was a different person—if I liked to exploit and manipulate people—it would be bad that I know all this information, but I’m not. At worst, I just look at people differently, and they chalk it up to me being weird.

It’s cool to be behind the scenes, although it sometimes convinces me that I know that person better than I really do. It traps me in this place of knowing too much and then it gets kinda hard to develop an actual friendship with someone when you know every single person they’ve hooked up with, or how sad they really are that their girlfriend dumped them.

I really value my privacy and I don’t like people to learn about me from other people. I like to be in control of how well others know me. So it feels as though I’m totally invading people’s lives. I guess I could ask my friend to stop telling me all this stuff, but I don’t really want them to? I tell myself that I’m not a bad person for knowing, but being in this situation of knowing too much constantly makes me feel really conflicted. ♦