Steffany

I’m settling back into school, I can’t believe that I’m entering my sophomore year. I moved in on the Sunday before last, which was stressful in and of itself. My roommate seems cool, although she never seems to leave the room. I’m not sure I could ever see my dorm room as my home, so it’s always surprising to me when people take up residence in temporary spaces as if they plan to live there forever. I never want to bring in too much stuff, because I know eventually, the process of moving it all out will be super time-consuming. I have a method: I have around five bins, containing my clothes, books, and other belongings. When it’s time to leave, I’ll just put everything back in the bins, which makes for easy transportation.

I don’t really enjoy any of my classes, but they’re better than the ones from last year. For once, I feel challenged, especially in my design class. My professor and I share many of the same interests. She’s from Zimbabwe. Last semester, everyone was telling me how mean she is. I went in kinda nervous, but soon realized she isn’t mean, she just commands a lot of respect. Often, students use free reign to discuss design concepts as an invitation to teach the class. She’s an ASAP Rocky stan, which is refreshing, I’m happy to know “Live. Love. ASAP” affected someone as deeply as it did me.

I’m dealing with a flurry of emotions. Relief that I made it out the other side of a very tough summer. It was very, very tough dealing with being back home, not getting along with my father, losing my grandfather, personal failures such as inability to secure an internship or a job. Being broke all the time meant I had to stay home, which meant I was constantly battling my parents about something. I made it, though. And yet, I want to go live on the moon. The problem with picking a school so close to home, is that you’re so close to home. Sometimes, I want to shut my phone off. I told my best friend I would make an effort to see her once a month despite school. And now that we’re coming up on our first meeting, I have very little desire to do so. That makes me feel a bit guilty. I am just in such desperate need of my own space to breathe, think, grow, that I’m willing to do anything. I have so little to write about and so little to say, as if I’ve spent the last two years of my life running a hamster wheel. Whatever. ♦