Steffany

School has been a lot more demanding than I’d imagined. I am currently in the midst of my foundation year, so I’m taking a bunch of art, design, and technology courses. It’s weird, being back. The dynamic of the school has changed a little bit. Time is also flying, and it seems like it’s getting harder and harder to stay ahead of the work I’m supposed to do. I’m not a very organized person and I’ve been trying to balance everything, which isn’t easy!

I’ve also been thinking a lot about how being at a liberal arts college can be sheltering, and the implications of that. Just outside this campus, the whole world is on fire. Here I am, with all these responsibilities, but none that truly feel important. You find yourself in the midst of another death, another race conversation where you scream and shout, but for what? It’s monotonous. I’m not trying to be rude or discouraging, but it just becomes enough. The President of our college sent out an email comparing police brutality to the violence in Chicago, which felt insincere and silly. I’m not complacent about these issues, but I’m at a supreme level of eye-rolling right now. All I can focus on is keeping my head down and killing my classes. I’m on academic probation, so it’s not a game.

The great thing is that I’m starting to link up with more likeminded people. Out of the frustration among Black students comes a sense of community. I’m trying to reach out and be more involved in campus activities, including bringing films and musicians here. Standing in the background and complaining about the lack of diversity isn’t going to do anything—we’ve all come to that conclusion. So, for me, it’s important my voice be heard. Even if I don’t know what I’m doing in terms of bringing people here, I’m determined to learn on the job and milk this institution for all that it’s worth. That’s what it is, an institution. Once people realize that, they’ll be a lot better off. That’s not to say you can’t challenge your schools, or want more, but they also exist to make money. I want to get to a place where I can better balance schoolwork and lay a foundation on campus for more inclusive programs. I also just want to have fun. Fun thus far has been late night trips to Popeye’s and sneaking into the academic buildings at night to watch Flavor of Love episodes on the projector. ♦