Alyson

Like the flip of a coin, I will decide that I am worse than the boys. Sometimes. Worrying whenever I think about them that I could be just one girl in a pool of many in which they immerse themselves for entertainment. Worrying about myself. Myself.

How can I worry about them when I am the one digging pools to fill full of boys? Boys who may be/are definitely interested. Just to have them there. To pretend that they are simply good to look at when really…It raises the equity on the house, a pool does.

I don’t like myself for doing it, but it seems nearly survivalist when considering my underdeveloped personal constitution regarding boys and what to do with them. This is my Versailles; I’m sure they can appreciate being the single-minded court officials who were only after superficial things anyways. Or was that Louis XIV? Thinking that was all he could have wanted until his head hit the floor? ♦