Fatma

I’m finally on summer break!

I’ve been waiting for so long and now I can finally relax. I feel like the song “Twisted Nerve,” from the Kill Bill soundtrack, is my musical narrative. It’s so beautiful but it’s so short (although I’ve always thought that the greatest things in life never last long). Now that school is over for the summer, I don’t have to worry about getting up early, even though I’m naturally an early bird. The extra time has resulted in me praying again.

With the constant pressure of hate against Islam in the media nowadays, I guess I was pulled away from God, but I’ve been reunited with Him again. I know that I’ll always believe in God, no matter how weak or strong my connection with Him is at a certain time. The main factor that put me off praying was that during times of dire need I would pray to God, but I didn’t get that special feeling—the feeling of butterflies in your stomach, when your head gets slightly flustered. This feeling occurs when you believe in something so much that nothing else matters. Instead, recently, during times of sadness, I felt as though no one was listening to my prayers.

I just stopped. Instead of talking to God before I fell asleep, I would fantasize scenarios that will never happen, about a life that is truly spectacular and where no one is in pain. I addressed these feelings with my sister last night, and she told me that God is doing this so that I can find little things to appreciate in my life. She told me that when life gets worse, God will give me the strength to remember that I have loads of things to appreciate. Everyone in my immediate family is healthy, I am able to receive a free education, I have access to the internet, I can read books and watch films.

As she reminded me of this, I suddenly felt so selfish. How could I abandon God, just because I was having a hard time and nothing was changing, when there are millions of families being broken apart due to war and because people need to escape from their countries? After our conversation, I went to bed and thought, Why not try again? I began to talk and I started crying, and then the feeling kicked in. My stomach swirled around and I felt so safe. The last thing I remember seeing before I drifted off to sleep was my ceiling, and feeling guarded by God’s miraculous glow. I know that I’ll always have love in my heart, and I know that this love comes from Him. I feel so strong with Him by my side. ♦