What’s the word for when you talk excessively and instantly regret everything you’ve just said?
It feels like all I do is worry about something I’ve said…two weeks ago, or two minutes ago. The words always sound better in my head.
This is pretty confusing and totally contradictory, considering I am so outspoken—I’m forever shooting off at the mouth. I LOVE TO TALK. I love talking about the things I’m passionate about, the things that make me laugh, the things I hate, and the things that make sad. I’m always opening up and revealing things about myself to honestly ANYONE who’ll listen.
It puts me in a pretty tough position and makes me feel like I’m pinning ME up against MYSELF. Partly I’m angry that I let myself open up to people who probably don’t care. Then again, I want to feel like I can freely express myself and not regret being open with others. It’s so frustrating to feel anxious about something that I have just done or said. I wish I could just SPEAK and not WORRY excessively about what people will think of me.
When I express this concern to others, their response is always: “If you’re so worried about saying something wrong or embarrassing why don’t you just STOP TALKING SO MUCH?!?!?” But don’t you see? I CAN’T.
Expressing myself through conversation is what sets me free and helps me feel like someone is listening (even if no one actually is).
The most annoyingly talkative and outspoken people can still be super sensitive and stressed out all of the time about what they say. IT’S HUMAN NATURE. IT’S ANXIETY! IT’S NATURAL.
I will continue to word vomit all of the time and continue to feel anxious and stressed out about what I’ve just said. I remind myself that this fear is normal and OK. I’m not always going to feel confident in my choice of speech. I may end up saying something embarrassing or something that I’ll regret, but who knows?
I’ll move on. I’ll forgive myself. I’ll learn from it. I’ll grow. I’ll speak my mind, even when I feel like I’m not on my own side. ♦