Cammy

This week, I made myself a spam account on Instagram, which is something a lot of my friends have been doing. I don’t really use it to post a bunch of excess pictures that don’t make it onto my main Instagram account (because, let’s be real, I post a lot of miscellaneous things on my Instagram anyway), but as a “safe” space for me to talk about what’s going on in my life to people I don’t really know.

I used to be very cautious about making sure no one I knew in person followed me. Nowadays I don’t care, but one disadvantage of not caring is that I can’t talk about everything I’d like to because I’m scared of hurting people’s feelings. Because I don’t have a “personal” account, I can’t separate the people I know IRL from all my followers. Now that I have this separate, private account, where I can talk about how I’m feeling without worrying who sees, I feel so much better. I’ve been able get some things off of my chest.

Even so, I still get nervous that someone will expose me for saying something about a friend—by showing it to that friend or something—so I change the names of the people I talk about. When I say “talk about” it seems like a catty thing, but friendships aren’t all going to be 100 percent happy at all times! I really hate conflict with friends—I’ve probably only had two arguments with my best friend—and, even then, whatever happens usually isn’t huge. Often, the issue is something that isn’t big enough to bring up, but is too important to not talk about at all. Still, when I say “talk about” I’m nervous that it makes me sound two-faced or something when really, I’m just trying to not bottle everything so that I don’t blow up on a friend for something stupid like drinking the rest of my water. ♦