Steffany

I’m not sure what self-care means. I’m not even sure if I’m doing it right. However, since starting college, I’ve been going out of my way to put myself first. I used to do everything for my friends: I was a shoulder to cry on or someone to edit your school papers. I’m no longer doing any of that. As of now, I am my own biggest concern, and while I feel selfish at times, it feels oh so good. Oftentimes, black women are made to believe that we have to be superhuman, but I’m not going to carry the burdens of others on my back when they don’t bother to do the same for me.

Juggling schoolwork and life has been OK, but mixing in things I enjoy makes life easier. I’m reading Grace Jones’ autobiography. It’s excellent and wild; she’s lived an extraordinary life. I’ve also been watching all my British dramas and BBC documentaries. I binge watched Whitechapel: shoutout to DI Chandler, DS Miles, and Ed Buchan. I’m waiting for Endeavour to come back. Last season, Detective Constable Morse had a black boo thing. She’s a nurse but she mainly looks after him, which lends itself to boring storylines. I mean, this woman is a black nurse in Oxford during the ’60s and the best they can see for her character is someone to buy him a scarf and make him tea? I think not. I hope they kick it up a notch this season.

I barely ever cook, but I made myself a nice steak with sauteed onions the other night. I deserve it! I’ve also been trying to perfect my twistouts. Zadie Smith is coming to my college tonight and I don’t want my hair flying all over my head when she goes to sign my books. I seem to be the only person at my school excited about it! I heard she’s writing screenplays, but I’d love if she did a short story collection. I admire writers so much for what they do. It seems so alien to me—to want to be a writer—which is weird, because aren’t I one? I don’t feel as if I can call myself one. Whereas, all the journalism and creative writing majors do so here. They call themselves writers with such pride. I don’t talk about my writing at all in my day-to-day life. I can’t quite pinpoint why that is. ♦