Simone

I wholeheartedly believe that this summer, I have successfully converted my all-consuming obsession with real life teenage boys into an impersonal, but equally obsessive, sexually-charged worship of celebrities. Of course this is caused only by my over-consumption of popular culture, but its results are healthy. They have turned me into a more driven, less distracted, and happier person. As a proud Scorpio, my passionate nature cannot be suppressed, but my emotions can be!

If I can maintain my fascination with these perfectly marketed faces in far off lands, faces I will never awkwardly encounter in a school hallway, or have to rack up the guts to make eye contact with at a party, then I am safe. Safe from inklings of real feeling, which in turn makes me safe from possible vulnerability, happiness, sadness, and rejection. As anyone who is 16 knows, even the possibility of being rejected is heartbreaking.

In the rare event that a real life teenage boy and I were to mutually like each other very much, and be involved in an ideal teen relationship, that would require a lot of time, and worse, effort. Time and effort? Two things I am unwilling to give.

Most likely, I will return to school in a week and fall in love with at least one real life teenage boy in every class. I will imagine marrying him in a lavish ceremony at a medieval castle with pale, pink-themed decor. I remain optimistic that none of this will happen. ♦