Over the past couple years, I have discovered that I experience intrusive thoughts–thoughts that do not feel like mine. Thoughts that scare me, disturb me, and for a long time caused me to believe I was a genuinely bad person. I walk into a classroom, I think about school shooters. I walk into my mother’s kitchen, I think about all the things I can do with a knife. Even though I would never act on any of these thoughts, it’s nightmarish and hard to talk about. But it is also part of how I experience the world. Discussions with teenagers about mental illness don’t usually stray far from depression, anxiety, and suicide. It’s not that those subjects aren’t important—they are. But when you spend your life imagining death and harm around every corner without any discussion of that experience, it can be dangerous. It took me a very long time to realize that my intrusive thoughts do not define who I am. I created this series of photographs to help explain my experience to those who don’t understand, and to allow those who understand all too well to know they’re not alone, even if it feels like they are. —Jehan Segal
Jehan Segal is an artist and occasional farmer currently studying in Portland, Oregon. They enjoy fashion, taking pictures of friends, and playing the musical saw. You can also find them on Tumblr.
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15 Comments
Love this. It’s so hard sometimes to block those kinds of thoughts out and I think showing them so plainly helps.
Log in to replythis perfectly describes my OCD. it’s a great visual version of the intrusive thoughts of mine that are similar to yours.
Log in to replyThank you so much for this.
Log in to replyI never really thought about this as a mental health issue, but this kind of stuff goes on a lot in my brain. Thanks for the solidarity.
Log in to replyThey say that you can think a thought, but if you don’t act upon it or dwell on it and make it bigger, then technically it’s non-existent.
-M
Log in to replyThe Life of Little Me
I have intrusive thoughts sometimes, and it scares me because sometimes I’m not so sure that I won’t act on them, just because I’m thinking it it (though I never have). Thank you for this.
WonderGoth
Log in to replyI love the way this was brought to life!
Log in to replyI wish I had seen this when I was 14. I started having intrusive thoughts about really weird stuff. I was paranoid about going insane because it was happening to me all the time, and I thought I was a freak because of it. Like you said, I thought I was a bad person and that there was something very very wrong with me. Every morning I’d wake up and there were those thoughts. The therapist told me I had really bad anxiety, but she never used terms like intrusive thoughts or obsessive thoughts. I think that would’ve made me feel better. I didn’t even realise that it could’ve been connected to OCD, but I get it now, just because the thoughts were so bloody obsessive.
I hope anyone going through something similar knows that they are not alone, and that they are definitely not a bad person xxx
Log in to replyThis is the best. (And I love 7,8, and 11!)
On a Saturday
Log in to replythis is amazing. one of my favorite photo sets on rookie i think.
Log in to replythis is like, everything i’ve been waiting for. i hate that other people have to live with this, but it helps me so much to know that i’m not alone. i felt like such a horrible person for having intrusive thoughts that i seriously considered suicide. it took a lot of reading to be able to understand what was happening to accept it and then let it go. when you let it go, you don’t allow it to define you. it becomes part of not obsessing about it, which is absolutely necessary to be able to let it go. i still have them but now i know that i don’t have to fear them. those thoughts are not who i am.
Log in to replyI’ve also had intrusive thoughts/OCD for as long as I can remember! It feels so unfair because it’s !!unwanted!! thoughts you’re having, but it helps a lot to just close your eyes, breathe, and block them out. When I was little I felt like such a freak for having them, but it’s comforting to know so many others deal with it too! I wish it was talked about even more, but I love this piece! <3
Log in to replyomg! thank you very much!! This pics show exactly how I feel sometimes. To see how other people have the same kind of “problem” really makes me feel good. thx ^^ <3
Log in to replyoh god, to see a post about intrusive thoughts on here acknowledging them is wonderful bc they are the worst thing that has eve happened to me and left me feeling practically evil, but to see something like this, and the reassurance, it’s great. i know the thoughts aren’t me, they do not define me, but it’s so hard and I think raising awareness of intrusive thoughts through art like this really helps to change perceptions of them and helps people who suffer from them realise that no matter how much they feel like it they are not alone.
Log in to replyThank you so much! I’d dealt with severely, nightmarishly persistent intrusive thoughts in the eighth and ninth grades, and every moment of every day, they would be there, with me feeling like someone was holding a gun to my skull and I wanted to claw my eyes out, vomit my brains out. My days went by in a haze and I could barely venture out of my mind, or feel even the tiniest hint of joy, and I was sure I was doomed to insanity or death, at least. I didn’t have any idea as to what was going on, or that anyone but me had dealt with this sort of thing. And even though I know better now, it’s so comforting to find someone who has been through the same things. SO, THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU.
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