Breakups…OK, breakups are…Breakups are…
Breakups are painful, breakups consume your time and brain. Breakups are not easy—and yes, friends and people around you will try to comfort you by saying that time will pass and that eventually you will feel better. Even if you say these words to your reflection in the mirror, your brain just won’t find peace or comfort, because losing does not feel good.
We live in a society in which pain is considered a “bad” feeling. Loss and sadness are what breakups are about, but we are not taught about loss and sadness in school or at home, and we for sure aren’t able to see loss and sadness as good things when they happen. When we experience any of these emotions, we feel awkward about life, about being ourselves, and about being in that situation. Yet by being sad, we get to know ourselves and our surroundings, and it is valid to experience it. Every feeling is a reminder that we are alive.
I spent endless mornings and nights feeling terrible—crying over almost everything, wondering what went wrong and what could have been done better—and I didn’t come to any conclusion. In fact, now that I have some distance from it, I don’t think going over the subject led anywhere. At that moment, I thought it was a way to ease the pain, but the pain is still there. Wondering about all the non-existent possibilities did not help me feel better. The only thing I could do was realize it was OK to be sad, cry, and let myself be miserable.
Breakups are the opposite of falling in love, and falling in love feels marvelous, so why should breaking up be something to hide or try to forget in a couple of days? Why should people tell you that it’s all going to be OK when inside you feel like it’s not? I still can’t accept anyone telling me that I should move on and get over it because it doesn’t feel like that, and my body doesn’t understand it yet.
I have my own way to deal with loss and sadness, and that is taking pictures. It is also my way of asking for silence from the world, and of showing support to people who are in the same situation.
I am trying to be very honest about what I feel in order to feel better. Sometimes it feels OK, sometimes it does not. But I am trying; trust me, I am trying.
Of course I’m scared of saying all these things out loud because it means they are real. And of course I feel weak and vulnerable, but the thing is that it’s OK to be in this position, and you know what else? I’m really, really strong for saying these things out loud, and I’m enough. ♦
Thank you to Mañuel, Allz, María, and all my friends.