Rookie » June 17, 2015

June 17, 2015

Making it work.

Briana, Britney Franco, Marah, Ananda Gervais, Lilly Bralts-Kelly, Simone Rembert and Alyson 06/17/2015

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Britney

Every morning I wake up. Am I functioning? Good. That’s all I need at this point in time.

I don’t talk to many people, I realize. The oddest part is that it doesn’t bother me. I sleep a lot, of course. A classic depressive.

I have horrible dreams—the worst I’ve ever had. The scariest part is how much of a reflection of my reality they are. I suppress a lot.

I would like to be warm, I would like to be stable. I would like to not miss deadlines, I would like to write more, would like to spend more time outside of my apartment without feeling like Death’s breath is on my neck.

The emptiness, though. Oh god, the emptiness. Make it end, please. ♦

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14 Comments

isafer June 17th, 2015 7:17 PM
Hi Simone! I think you should check out Halsey ()! She’s really cool, has really rad blue hair, an amazing voice, an album coming out soon, and also happens to be biracial like you :)
- Simone Rembert June 17th, 2015 8:50 PM
  Halsey is awesome! I had no idea she was biracial!
Anna.E June 17th, 2015 10:39 PM
I’m really glad you wrote this because I can really connect to it. I am also biracial with a black dad and a white mom. I completely connect to what you were saying about the privilege that comes with being part black but not looking black, and the guilt that comes with struggling with finding out who you are. I think about that a lot how I struggle to identify and go through life when everyone just wants to put me in a box. But then I feel so stupid for thinking that because people who are obviously black have to deal with so much violence and hate then I ever will. Also, even though it still is my culture I feel like I can’t be apart of it, who am I to be able to partake in the good but just skip out on all the bad. But in another way we’re sort of opposites while people I directly place you as white, people never know where to place me and even when they don’t say it you can feel their desire to ask. So they can finally put you in one of their boxes. A lot of the times people just assume I’m Latina without even asking or me saying anything. Anyway sorry this was a little bit off topic, and I know you were talking about your totally different biracial experience. I’ve never met anyone in my situation except my siblings and cousins, and even then we don’t really discuss any of this, so I just want to thank you for writing this because you brought up so many things I feel but never get to talk about.
- Simone Rembert June 18th, 2015 7:07 PM
  It’s something so hard to talk about, and yet, so many people connect in this way. I hope I was able to make you feel less alone, as your comment did for me :)
Alienor June 18th, 2015 5:43 AM
all of the entries this week are amazing
bestmeghanever June 18th, 2015 8:47 AM
I’m a Sagittarius too, and I really like that idea; having a nice little romance. Haha I have those weird-as thoughts too.

-M
therandomone June 18th, 2015 1:22 PM
Hey Simone,
you are so not alone! My friend and I are both biracial and while I look like I have black parents, she looks like she has white ones. Everyone always gets super confused when we tell them we’re both mixed. It’s totally normal and there are many white biracials who are not random people pretending to be black.
Have a great time,
M
Ananda Gervais June 18th, 2015 2:29 PM
Simone, thank you for saying this, as a fellow white looking biracial, i feel ya. :)
- Simone Rembert June 18th, 2015 7:09 PM
  i’m here for #us
diyana June 18th, 2015 5:36 PM
Ananda – ❤❤.

Simone, thank you for sharing your fascinating perspective. In a way, I can relate to what you’re feeling because of how pale I am while identifying as Middle Eastern Canadian. Obviously, not all Middle Eastern people are brown and we don’t have to be born overseas to connect with our culture yet people still feel free to deny people like me any sort of acceptance on account of the lightness of my skin (unless it’s summer, which is barely 3 months long here). I get made fun of by Arabs and white people alike for being “too pale” to be from Iraq. It’s stupid for people to define ethnicity based on skin tones alone.
You are who you are: an intelligent, loving mixed race woman with a black mother and a white father. Nothing that anyone says to you can deny you your heritage, and I’m sorry that people liek Rachel Dolezal have made your journey of self discovery more difficult. Lots of love!
- Simone Rembert June 21st, 2015 5:49 PM
  It’s hard to talk about, but you should write about your experience too. It sounds very interesting. Also, remember all shades = beaut. (Although I am a little biased towards your sitaution, being a pale girl myself)
Sonia June 18th, 2015 6:31 PM
Ananda, your entry filled my eyes with tears – thank you, you lovely human being xx
meikristen June 19th, 2015 8:36 PM
Wow Simone, that struck a chord with me. I am half white and half Chinese, and I am going to college this fall; I remember at the beginning of my senior year, my English teacher made everyone write mock college essays about ourselves. Well, I decided to skirt my background because as a minority, I WANT TO GET A HIGHER EDUCATION BY MERIT AND NOT AFFIRMATIVE ACTION, NO MATTER HOW BENEFICIAL IT IS, IMO. When my teacher and I were discussing how to improve my essay, she was like, “why don’t you write about the obvious? Your application will stand out and blahblahblah” and I just shut down that day, it pissed me off so much. Here was my well-meaning, joke-hurling, white English teacher telling me to use my ethnicity to get into college. I didn’t like it, I still don’t, and I still decided NOT to write about my background. Because you are starting to think more about college now, I encourage you to ponder how you will tackle your identity on paper, whether you choose to acknowledge it in writing or not at all. You are your own self, and don’t ever let anyone, ESPECIALLY administrators, try to put you in a box when they look at your application and resume.
- Simone Rembert June 21st, 2015 5:55 PM
  I completely see what you mean. Affirmative Action has been on my mind for so long. People around me always encourage me to utilize my minority background, but the truth is, I grew up in a very liberal and affluent suburb, and regardless of how I look, I don’t feel I’ve been denied opportunity. I’ll be a junior in high school next year, and I’m apprehensive about the beginnings of the essay writing/application process. Thank you for the advice, and congratulations on getting to college without sacrificing your integrity and morals!

June 17, 2015

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