You’ve been talking with a Cute Human for a hot minute now, and you feel like the two of you are totally hitting it off. You give them your number or ask for theirs…and then you never hear from them again. You rack your brain trying to figure out what you did or said wrong, and why they didn’t contact you again. You keep trying to excuse them—maybe they don’t check their phone or social media very often, maybe they lost your number—while you obsessively check your phone, waiting for a response. What to do with these feels?

When I give a cute stranger my number and they don’t get in touch, I try not to get too upset about it. Of course it’s disappointing, but it’s not a personal insult. Who knows what could have happened! They might already be interested in someone else, they could have lost my number (especially if I wrote it on a paper or on their hand), they might have forgotten about it, or they might just not have been interested—and that is still OK (refer back to Page 3 for more on this). Usually when I’m handing my number out like that, it’s after a very short interaction—hardly enough time for someone to know much about me. I try not to take it personally.

But. I would be lying if I said this doesn’t make me feel a little bad. Making excuses for why someone isn’t contacting you is a good way to protect yourself from the pain of unresponsiveness, but it’s also you keeping yourself hopeful in a potentially debilitating way. Once, when a cute guy I made out with didn’t respond to my messages, I tried to explain to my friend how he probably just doesn’t really check his phone. She gave me an exasperated look and said, “Tova, come on. When you like someone it’s practically torture to wait a few hours before responding to their texts, let alone a few days. Stop excusing this guy. I didn’t work out, and there’s nothing you can do about it.” It sucked, but it also made me feel better. She was right: There was nothing I could do about it. I did my best to forget about it, and it became easier with time. Besides, I met other people I liked who responded my messages very soon after.

No matter the outcome of your bravery, remember that this is about choosing your own adventure and having fun! So whatever happens in this adventure, you should always end up at the same conclusion: happy and comfortable with yourself!

To end up happy and confident with yourself no matter what, TURN TO PAGE 8.