When I was a kid, there were always three constellations I could immediately identify in the night sky: Orion’s Belt (thanks, Men in Black), the Big Dipper, and, depending on how bright the city lights were, the Little Dipper. Try as I might to recreate these patterns on my bedroom ceiling using glow-in-the-dark stickers and my dad’s old issues of National Geographic as a guide, I could never understand how a clump of stars was supposed to represent a ram. If I was going to use my imagination to turn imagine abstract patterns into pictures, I figured I might as well make up my own: TLC (based on Orion’s Belt) Composed of three stars—Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins, Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes, and Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas—this formation is also known as the “Hunter,” taking out scrubs in the sky who think they’re fly.
Big Sister / Little Sister (Based on Big Dipper / Little Dipper) Known in Latin as “Soror Major” and “Soror Minor,” these two constellations are said to represent guidance and the sharing of knowledge. Many a lost traveller has looked to Soror Major to find the answers they seek, particularly how to sneak out of their bedroom late at night without parents noticing, and how to properly apply winged eyeliner.
Dancing Girl Emoji (based on Cancer) Allegedly this constellation was formed when an angel meant to text her girl gang a quick message expressing how much fun they were going to have at the angel club that night, but she accidentally texted it to the sky instead.
Rollercoaster (based on Draco) This is the constellation that all the other constellations visit when they want to take the day off from their constellating day jobs and just have a good time.
Stellar Kinney (based on Lyra) This guitar-shaped constellation may be small, but it contains one of the brightest stars in the night sky and creates some of the loudest riff-heavy rock songs across the heavens. It also consists of the “Stunner Triangle,” a trio stars who, allegedly, met in the early ’90s in Olympia, Washington.
Pizza Slice (based on Boötes) Some astronomers believe that this slice of pizza comes with pepperoni and sausage. Others are adamant that it is strictly vegetarian. One thing that they can all agree on: There is definitely extra cheese in this constellation.
Jump for Joy (based on Hercules) Legend goes, this constellation just got into the pre-med program at the school of her dreams, and can’t help but FLIP OUT! Congrats, star girl!! You worked hard for this!! Let it out!!
Pegasus Exactly like the regular Pegasus, but this time on a skateboard. ♦