These illustrations represent my emotions in situations like school dances, where the gender binary was expected to be followed. I longed to escape, and to express what I felt inside me—not what was expected of me.
Behind closed doors, trying on a dress I’d snatched from my sister’s closet (or heels from my mom’s) was a regular activity.When I left my room, I also had to leave that part of me that craved femininity, that was consistently begging to come through. Over time, I began to loathe any sort of formal event that involved “dressing up.” Church. Weddings. SCHOOL DANCES.
The very things that were meant to be celebrated and fun were agonizing. I couldn’t dance without thinking about how I could be twirling around in a skirt, rather than feeling stuck in a stiff, boring suit.
But after a long night of awkwardly meandering my way through a crowd in a suit that I wanted to rip off the second I looked in the mirror, I knew there was somewhere to return—
my little sanctuary of secret femininity, where I could twirl in a skirt to my heart’s content and not fear disapproving eyes or very confused parents.
Even though a large part of my identity was found and expressed when I was alone in my room, prancing around in forbidden garments was electrifying. ♦
6 Comments
Yes, this. Our rooms are our santuaries. ❤
Your comment <3 <3 <3
And this story/drawings are so heartbreaking and cute.
I liked how the pictures really expressed the story, especially the first one with the mixed gender symbols. Amazing (I think it’s watercolor) skills. :)
This is so beautiful!
i hate suits. its just something so…confined about them you know?ive never tried one on but if i was to wear one it would be ugly and contain triangles and shoulder pads for sure :).i dont like my image so whenever i have to wear something ill try to make it almost a joke.but thats just how i cope with what i wear! loved the art!
i know the feeling so well. in my case with chest binders and men’s shirts and masculine contouring… i have to girl-up for my family and less close friends, and it’s so uncomfortable.