Dr_SinghasMustard Bath (Dr. Singha’s)
You are not a hot dog, so I am not advising you to slather yourself in bright yellow French’s. You’re a different kind of meat-tube: One with tender muscles sore from kicking life’s butt all day long, one with aches and joints and squeaky places that need soothing, one that’s fully ALIIIIVE. So, what I am suggesting is much more reasonable than a condiment slather, but no less surprising, and weird, and magical. Enter Dr. Singha’s Mustard Bath. It was developed by a homeopathic genius back in the day, and it’s a dry concoction of mustard powder—known for its anti-inflammatory, detoxing properties—combined with scents of delicious, natural-smelling things like eucalyptus and pine. There are specific instructions that I suggest you follow. Dissolve around four ounces in HOT, HOT bath water. Soak for no less than 20 minutes (and, please, have a huge glass of ice-water by your side, because you’ll need it to make it through those 20 minutes), and rinse off with a cold blast of the shower. It’s crazy, but it works wonders for soothing overexerted muscles; relaxing tense joints and body parts; ensuring that you sleep like a freaking log; and making you calmer than you ever thought possible. I don’t know what it is about the mustard-seed powder in Mustard Bath that makes me feel like I just went through a four-week detox retreat (or what I assume that would feel like), but it’s an incredible feeling, which I’d like to share with all of you. Plus it’s only about $9 per box, which equals five to six baths. After your bath, wrap yourself in your softest, warmest, coziest garb, like your body IS a hot dog wrapped in a soft, warm bun. You will feel—wait for it—nothing short of DELICIOUS. —Dylan

s974634-main-hero-300Hesperides Grapefruit Bath & Shower Gel (Fresh)
Showering, to me, is a monotonous chore that ruins my hairstyle and reminds me that my singing voice will never square with Miss Diana Ross’s. I hate it very completely. Recently, this resentment was at least partially eased when I discovered a product that lives up to the promise built into its name. Hesperides are Grecian party-girl nymphs, hell of living it up in their own private garden in a tucked-away pocket of the world. (I’m sure showering already feels good for normalsons who like being clean. I, on the other hand, am mainly preoccupied with hitting the splendorous notes on “Remember Me,” even if I do sound like the principal at Witch School reciting a curse over the loudspeaker.) This citrusy goop fills my croaky steam hell with a smell just as idyllic as the ancient Greeks claimed their hometowns were. After the first time I swooned inside this scent, I decided to just put Surrender on Spotify, accept the fact that I’d be hanging out with heat-styling tools for an hour afterward, and try my best to feel like a blissed-out, buckwild, buck NAKED orchard it-girl. Sure beats the miserable alternative! —Amy Rose

img-thingMr. Bubble (The Village Company)
For all my shit-talking of showers, I concede that reading in a bubble bath is kind of rad if you’re in the right spirit, which is to say, down to SUMPTUOUSLY PAMPER YOURSELF by sitting in some hot water in your bathroom. You can engineer this v. lavish mood with the help of Monsieur Bubble, a helpful product if you like coating yourself in a layer of suds as thick, white, and soft as yeti fur—which I do. Added bonus: These bubbles won’t dissolve into that scummy membrane that forces you to remember that baths are a little gross. With Mr. Bubble, you’ll be able to stay in the water for a good, long while, and maintain the illusion of UNTRAMMELED, PRISTINE PURITY. Enjoy your book and your self-deception, abominable snow-you. —Amy Rose

lavender-balancing-herbal-bath-3Herbal Bath Soaks (Kneipp)
One time, I was so broke that I couldn’t pay my rent in full. At the very same time, I ran out of my Kneipp Herbal Bath Soak. Now, did I: (a) hoard all my money to pay my rent, or (b) figure that since rent was going to be late anyway, I might as well buy the one surefire thing that calms and de-stresses me? I’LL GIVE YA ONE GUESS. I love these glorious aromatherapy German bath soaks so dang much, you guys. NOT ONLY do they come in a medicinal-looking glass bottle, they also intensely color your bath water, and they smell like herbal HEAVEN. Each of the scents is so good: The spruce and pine bath? Gorgeous and bracing, like a bath in the fanciest ski lodge in the Alps. The red poppy and hemp bath? Turns your bath pink so you can step out of the bath like a starlet about to slip into her beaded evening gown. Each scent is supposed to do something different—like make you sleepy or ease aching muscles—and even if it’s all in my mind, I swear they work. —Krista

fortune cookie soap polyjuice potion bath bombPolyjuice Potion Bath Bomb (Fortune Cookie Soap)
I LOVE BATHTIME. And I LOVE all of Fortune Cookie Soap’s products. Over the past year, I’ve replaced all my Lush stuff with products from the Fortune Cookie Soap Company, because they tend to be cheaper and bigger, and so, better values. Fortune Cookie Soap’s Harry Potter–themed stuff is my favorite: I mean, the Polyjuice Potion makes your bath glow in the dark!!! A+, I recommend this to everyone. Of course, you could also go ahead and make your own bath bombs using the DIY tutorial I did a while back, if you’re so inclined. —Arabelle

il_570xN.311104135Whipped Soap (Debaucherous Bath)
I’m not gonna lie: I tried the Debaucherous Bath whipped soap because I’m a huge Hole fan and my friend mentioned that she’d found a bath product line on Etsy that had a soap called Doll Parts. I mean, she also told me that their products were well made, and smelled good—so I didn’t buy it solely because of the name, but the name was a big part of it. This soap is HEAVENLY. It comes in a five ounce jar with a gorgeous label, and it feels like you’re getting a luxury product for only ten bucks. Use it with a sponge or with your hands: Either way it feels like you’re bathing in lotion. It goes on smooth and it leaves your skin feeling and smelling sooooooo good. (There aren’t enough ooooos in the world for this product!) There are a ton of great scents with great names: Doll Parts is scented like blood red cherries and strawberry lollipops. Then there’s Zombie Girl, Alice’s Nightmare in Wonderland, and Red Queen’s Revenge (which I gave to a friend after her breakup). If you want to try a bunch without breaking the bank then buy a few sample sizes, which generally come with fabulous perfume samples, too. —Stephanie

badedas-classic-bubble-bath-25-5-oz-338x338Bath Soak (Badedas)
I could gush forever and ever about this stuff, but here are the basics: It’s from the Black Forest in Germany, so it’s kind of pricey, but it is completely worth the cost. Its unique mix of patchouli, cedar wood, and pine scents will make you feel like you’re in the middle of a remote pine forest. I’m not a big fan of really bubbly bath foam, so this stuff is perfect for me because it doesn’t foam too much. It has a comforting aroma that clears my head, and when I’m stressed out it helps me feel less overwhelmed, and more like a serene woodland fairy. —Lucy

drbronners-peppermint-liquid-soap-32oz_2Peppermint Soap (Dr. Bronner’s)
It was the bizzaro, Bible passage-covered, brightly-colored, and densely-packed Times New Roman label that first sold me to ye olde Bronner’s. The second sell was how incredibly squeaky clean I felt after using a body soap free from strange chemical agents or untrustworthy commercial additives. The third sell was the peppermint flavor: I knew that I’d found my cleanser 4 lyfe. Peppermint will make your entire body tingle for two to five minutes upon use. It feels like you’re brushing your teeth except your teeth are your body: It’s like body toothpaste. You will never feel more so-fresh-and-so-clean as you will with this. Hey, maybe I should use this as bubble bath? —Dylan

dr-teals-epsom-salt-soaking-solutionEpsom Salt Soaking Solution (Dr. Teal’s)
I danced ballet between four and seven hours each day throughout my teens. I would come home completely exhausted, and aching from pirouettes, pointe shoes, and ingrown toenails. The night I first used Dr. Teal’s Epsom Salt was PURE MAGIC. It comes in massive quantities, which makes it super affordable, and these Epsom salts relieved the ache in ways no ice bath could. I don’t study dance anymore, I still love using Dr. Teal’s lavender-infused Epsom salts. If you’re not too keen on lavender, they also come in eucalyptus, peppermint, chamomile, and more. —Mads

00032Big Blue Bath Bomb (Lush)
If you want to access relaxation in its purest form, get in the bathtub with Lush’s Big Blue Bath Bomb. Lush has a stellar lineup when it comes to the fizzy balls, but that ol’ Big Blue is something else. First of all, it smells like the sea. It turns your bath water ACTUAL blue, which is a chill vibe in itself. The geniuses at Lush have also mixed bits of seaweed into this situation, which amps up the I’m on a beach, deal with it bath time feels. Lush says that the bath bomb removes bodily toxins and keeps skin soft, but they should also add that it transforms your bath into the ocean, and will make you the happiest person alive as you float away on it. —Chanel

pBBW1-10388172v275Orange Ginger Body Wash & Foam Bath (Bath & Body Works)
At this point in my life, I have orange-ginger-scented everything: body lotion, conditioner, hand soap, shampoo…the list goes on. I first used orange-ginger-scented bath products at a hotel a few years back, and I wish I remembered which hotel because I’d be there right now stocking up on free mini bottles of this sharp, fresh fragrance. Thankfully, Bath & Body Works makes every product imaginable in this scent, and it makes me smell like zesty bath food (or so my best friend tells me). It doesn’t smell like actual orange and ginger but it is pretty citrusy, so if the smell of oranges bothers you: steer clear. Otherwise, get on this delicious train. The orange ginger products are a part of the Bath & Body Works aromatherapy line, where each line of scented lotions and shampoos is meant to perform a function, like “STRESS RELIEF,” and “SLEEP.” Orange ginger supposedly gives you “ENERGY,” but I just prefer looking at the word energy over sleep when I take my morning showers. Usually these products are between $8 and $15 each, so try to buy them during two-for-one sales, otherwise you might leave the store $40 to $50 poorer. The good news is that the bottles are nicely sized and will last you a long time, so you can waft orange-ginger around you for months at a time. —Tova

archibald-sistersMoisturizing Body Wash (Archibald Sisters)
I have a high standard for bubble baths. I want those bubbles to puff up so high that I seriously fear they will overtake my bathroom. I do not want to have to dump a whole bottle in to achieve this; And I do NOT want those bubbles to go flat in minutes. Generally, bubble bath products that double as body wash let me down, which is a bummer because I love two-in-one products. I bought a few bottles of Archibald Sisters Body Wash because this product smelled soooo good in the store, and it’s affordable. In the shower, it bubbles up nicely on my sponge and that great smell lingers—on me, and in the bathroom. So I decided to try the Moisturizing Body Wash in the bath and…it passed my test! This is a two-in-one that works, and the scents are to die for. Come winter, I use the vanilla coconut scent, because it whisks me away to an imaginary tropical isle. Love Buzz—my summer scent—smells like bubblegum and reminds me of summer flings. For fall and spring, I use Olympia Rain because it’s so fresh, crisp, and clean. You can buy these products online, and I highly recommend trying out the sample sizes until you find your own signature scent. —Stephanie ♦