After looking through photos I’ve really liked on Rookie and other sites, I feel inspired to take photos myself. But whenever I want to take nice pretty pictures of my friends, I never know how to pose them! How do you take good portraits that look natural? —Anne, 16, New Jersey

I’ve learned a few tricks that help me a lot. Usually, when you hold up a camera, people flash a cheesy smile that they’ve been taught to do since they were babies. I ask my subjects not to smile. It’s not because I necessarily want a serious picture, but because that’s not a real smile! When a person being photographed isn’t frozen in a fake smile, they remember that they have arms and legs, too! That’s another thing: Remind them that they can move in between pictures. (Not while the shutter is going off, of course, but before they find each pose.) Let the subject relax and forget that they are “posing.”

I also find it helpful to look through the viewfinder only while I’m framing the shot. Once it’s framed, I raise my eyes from the viewfinder and make eye contact with the person I’m photographing. That way, they’re not just staring at a machine—they can connect with you, and you can capture that connection. Some of my favorite photographs are of people I love smiling in a way that they never would have if there were a camera between us, because they are looking and smiling at me.

If you photograph the same people over and over, they will get to know how you shoot, and how you want them to pose—and so will you. I have a younger cousin that I used to photograph all the time, and now she knows better than to smile for me! She’s seen the images that I’ve taken of her before that I love, so she remembers how she posed in them and arranges herself similarly when I shoot her now. Finding a muse or two can help you develop your style! —Sandy

Recently, I have started to fall back into anorexia. I was anorexic from first grade to fifth, then I stopped because my friends intervened. My parents never found out. How can I tell my friends, and, this time, my parents that I’m slipping back into this habit? It isn’t as simple as it was in grade school anymore. —Eleanor, 14, Boston

Girl, I feel you so much. I struggled with an eating disorder (bulimia) that began at a very young age and continued on until I was able to get the proper help in the form of two psychologists, a psychiatrist, and a medical doctor. I thought I had my eating disorder under control at various points in my life, but it never really *stopped* until I could work through it all with professionals—and it took a long, long time and lots of my own money, so the sooner you can get help, the better, especially because eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia do very bad things to your body and can be potentially life-threatening.

Because disordered eating isn’t ONLY about food and body weight, it can be much harder to tell people that you’re having problems with it. For me and many other people, there are a lot of feelings of shame and embarrassment wrapped up in the act of anorexia or bulimia, which is usually done in secret, especially because so much of the process of even MAINTAINING an eating disorder takes so much effort. (It really is so exhausting!) Sometimes, our inclination is to keep it under wraps by any means necessary. That said, I’m really glad you’re looking for a way to tell your parents, who are potentially your most important allies in all this. Having an eating disorder is a much larger issue that, generally, your friends can’t “fix”—they may have helped you before, but it’s not a permanent solution, and you’ll very likely need your parents’ help in getting you to a professional who knows how to get you through all this.

I suggest sitting your parents down at home (or even just one of your parents, if you feel more comfortable talking to one over the other) and telling them what you’ve been going through—it’s important to tell them not just about the disordered eating, but also the feelings that you’ve been having around it, and if anything happened to you that triggered you to fall back into anorexic episodes. I know it probably seems really scary, but it’s really important. Often people will focus on the simple fact of the eating disorder—the food, or lack thereof—and not understand that there is a whole constellation of issues that can provoke an ED. It’s very important for you to be aware of how you are feeling, and why—that way, the people helping you can do a better job of it, and help you with any other issues that might feed into the act of the ED. If you’re SUPER nervous about talking to your parents about this, you could write everything down in a note, old-school style, and tell them that there’s something you need to tell them but that it’s too scary to say. (You could also send them this link so they can learn more about how you might be feeling, and how to help you.) Also, make sure that you tell them that this isn’t a new thing—they’ll need to know your history with it to get you the proper help.

You can tell your friends about it the same way, generally, but it is super super crucial that you prioritize telling your parents first so they can get you the help that you need. (If for some reason it doesn’t work out that way, please please please tell a trusted adult like a school counselor or teacher—or call the National Eating Disorder Association’s 24-hour helpline at 1-800-931-2237— because this is serious business!) That said, I am really glad that you are going to talk to anyone about this. I went my entire life without really telling anyone what I was going through, and I didn’t tell my mom until I was a grown-ass adult and had gone through a lot of therapy myself. It’s extremely hard and lonely to do that—it will make you feel even more isolated than you already do, trust—so the sooner you can talk to them, the better. Good luck; I’m rooting for you. *Hugs* —Julianne ♦

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