Illustrations by Marjainez.

Illustrations by Marjainez.

Dearest Rookies! Our niece Evie asked us if we’d be willing to submit a “High 5” column for Rookie, her favorite internet website. Once she explained what a High 5 was (a chance to describe our five favorite things!!!), Uncle Mitch and I jumped on it immediately. Well, I jumped on it. Uncle Mitch kind of shuffled toward it. Typical Mitch! But I DID get him to contribute an item, which is as close as I’m gonna get to a holiday miracle this year, LOL!!!! Anyway, without further ado (don’tcha love using fancy words?), here it is: the High 5 of Aunt Debbie (that’s me) and Uncle Mitch (that’s Uncle Mitch! HA!).


candles1. Candles. Who doesn’t love candles? A joker, that’s who! Candles are little waxy pieces of heaven that you can put all over your house to make it feel magical (and to remove the smells the dog leaves behind, because whew!). I like to get my candles at Jeanne’s House of Cards, the best little store in the world. My favorite scent right now is Peppermint Cocoa Supreme, because it smells like the best part of Christmas dinner—dessert!! LOL!!!! And get this: These days, you can even buy candles that LOOK like they have real flames, even though they’re fake and powered by batteries, so you don’t have to worry about accidentally setting your coffee table on fire and having Uncle Mitch make a BIG DEAL about it. It was one time! Give it a rest, Mitch! Jeez!

christmas sweater2. Quacker Factory Christmas Tree Button-Down Long-Sleeve Sweater. Couldn’t you just DIE? This is my new favorite holiday sweater. I get compliments on it wherever I go. A very nice young lady, about my niece Evie’s age, told me she loved its “normcore aesthetic.” Can you believe it? Turns out I’ve been hip all along. Look out, Vogue! Here comes Aunt Deb! ROFL! (Do people still ROFL?)

channing3. Channing Tatum. Don’t tell Uncle Mitch, but my goodness what a dreamboat supreme-boat! I wouldn’t mind seeing HIM under my Christmas tree! (Just kidding, he is married! And so am I!) You know what? I hope Channing Tatum and his lovely family have a great Christmas. He just seems so genuine, doesn’t he? I wonder if he likes candles? I bet he does!

love4. Love! I just love love so much! I love Mitch, and my niece Evie, and all of you Rookies, and Jeanne’s House of Cards, and sequins, and llamas, and those peanut butter cookies with the Hershey kisses in the middle, and that bass (no treble LOL!!!!), and dreams, and dream catchers, and those darling One Direction boys (Evie wants to marry one, I think his name is Zayn? She calls him “bae?”), and pool noodles, and regular noodles, and Crunch ’n Munch, and Scandal, and books with a handsome man riding a horse on the cover, and all sorts of things! Love is the greatest gift of all, so that’s what I wish for all of you this holiday season. (I also hope you get a million dollars and a kiss from that Channing Tatum! LOL!!! JK! (That means “just kidding”!). A girl can dream, can’t she?!

slayer5. Slayer. NO EXPLANATION NECESSARY, LOVE UNCLE MITCH \m/ ♦