Lilly

I am writing this immediately after the Ferguson decision, and the announcement that Darren Wilson is to go free. In this moment I’ll admit: I am numb. I am uncertain. I know where I stand on the matter, but not what I, a young white girl, can do to make a difference.

I’ve always struggled with that. I spend so much time worrying about homework and soccer practice and even things as superficial as my appearance day after day after day that I allow myself to forget the bigger picture that I live in. When I am pulled harshly out of my bubble by incidents like this, I feel just as helpless as I would if I were still stuck in my own self-centered routine. I stayed up all night last year for Wendy Davis’ Senate filibuster, my heart in my throat, feeling more powerless than I ever had before. Tonight is the same kind of night.

In moments like these, I think, What could I do to help? I’m 16, introverted, and rooted to the ground in my hometown. And I’m scared. And I’m trying to be honest here. Right now, all I can do, at 10 PM, with school tomorrow, is curl up in bed with To Kill A Mockingbird and try to allow myself a few hours of quiet.