Words by Emily; illustrations by Ana.
It can be the best of times, and it can be the worst of times. It’s pretty much the most inevitable of times! Most of us out there have fallen victim to developing a hardcore crush on a friend.
There are a few reasons why we do this!
First, you have great taste in friends.
It can be easier to crush on someone who is already in your life.
Sometimes our hormones make us easily attracted to LITERALLY EVERYONE.
The vulnerable feelings that come from friendship can be intimate, and while intimacy is part of a romantic relationship, intimacy doesn’t automatically mean a romantic relationship will occur.
Potential relationships can sometimes be better than the realities of actual relationships.
Being quietly infatuated with a friend is bittersweet, but exciting. You’re carrying on a regular friendship with a heart full of delicious secrets, like some sort of spy. You wonder when will be the day that he/she will realize that you’re the one. You long for deep, intimate talks that turn into deep, intimate make out sessions. It’s beautifully excruciating.
But it can’t last. It’s not healthy for you to long for someone without making a peep. It closes you off to relationship opportunities with other people.
Prepare yourself for possibly losing your friend. It’s a bummer, and it’s no one’s fault, but it’s sometimes necessary.
Pull your friend aside one day. Tell your friend how you feel. Keep it simple, unadorned, and short. I won’t give you a script: Just say how you feel as if you were telling a stranger about it.
This step is going to be hard. You risk rejection and losing your friend and the fantasy of a romantic partner you’ve had in your head. But you can’t go on in this limbo state forever!Give your friend space to sort out their feelings. They may tell you how they feel, or you may have to read their behavior. If they start avoiding you, that’s a sign that your feelings are not reciprocal. If they start straight-up making out with you, that’s a sign that they are! If someone wants to be with you romantically, they will make it known in broad daylight.
If you end up in a romantic relationship with your friend, great. If you don’t, give yourself and your pal some time, and in that time, pursue other people romantically. If your romantic feelings towards your bud have died down a bit and you still want to be friends, let them know. Accept the answer they give you. Friendships, like romantic relationships, require both parties to be enthusiastic participants and not doing so out of pity or obligation.
Either way: GOOD FOR YOU for making your feelings known and being honest with your friend/maybe now significant other! Anybody would be lucky to have you as either. ♦
24 Comments
it my birthday!!! im turning 14
happy birthday!! :)
The timing for this is…scary.
Please please please please please write something about friends with benefits as in makeout sessions, and when it’s good, and when it’s bad. And oh my god this post is relevant.
I can tell I’m gonna love all this month’s content
Anyone got advice on having this situation but with a flatmate?? Also with the realisation that said flatmate is not actually as nice a person I thought he was, and living right next door makes avoiding him very difficult!
as someone who currently has 4 friend crushes going, i really appreciate this. echoing what mangachic said above–an article about friends with benefits would be awesome <3
I can relate to this in the sense that I *think* one of my guy friends is crushing on me, but I don’t feel the same way about him. I don’t want him to feel bad, but I’m also afraid of leading him on so I’ve been avoiding talking to him lately. Sooo confusing. :/
I’m in love with my best friend. And she’s in love with me. We’ve realized recently that we’re the most important people in each other’s lives….but she’s going to school two states away and distance is sucky, so we crush and make out with and date other people in the meantime. It’s confusing to explaain to most people, since I don’t know what exactly to call her….best friend seems too nonchalant, girlfriend seems too exclusive and soulmate seems too dramatic. But she’s the Ilana to my Abbi (ala broad city) and it doesn’t really matter what we are to each other, as long as the love is there.
It’s a rare and strange relationship, but I feel so so so so SO blessed to have her in my life.
this is so relevant nd well timed thank u again rookie. i have been hardcore crushing on one of my best friends for seven months nd i told her a few weeks ago nd this is the perfect reassurance that it not being reciprocated IS OKAY
Augh! It feels like the author of this article was channeling to me on a spiritual level. I’m in a lil’ friendly crush situation myself so I find this article to be quite useful. Though I already fessed up about my feelings, and we’re miraculously are still budz I still have feelings for them and they’re giving off these vibes that they like me too and I’m just stressed out little girl who’s trying to make it in america and also this sentence is obnoxiously long that just shows I’m even more stressed then I originally thought I was. This comment is a hot mess…
I can totally relate to that right now, but just to be a little more complicated mine is in a distant relationship since a few years with somebody he is desperately in love with. Since we met I’ve always felt some kind of weird connection/chemistry between us and I think he feels it too but we tend to act as if it didn’t exist. Maybe because we both know nothing would ever happen. I haven’t been interested in other guy for a while and, as it is said in the 10th picture, I feel like it closes me off to relationship opportunities with other people as it seems like I’m not able to move on. And I’m afraid that, if I dared telling him my feelings and he responded positively, I’d feel so guilty of “breaking” his beautiful long-lasting relationship.. argh, too many thougts.
Anyway, Rookie is always on point and I can’t wait to see what is yet to come for this month!
(and please excuse my english haha)
my life is a rollercoaster of non-stop friend crushes, that started in high school and I thought would ease off eventually, once I learned that the only thing I can do is ride it out. I’m in my twenties now though and still fall in love with every new, close friend. Meanwhile, I DO have a significant other of whom I’m very fond, and I don’t want to change that. It has been long and hard but now I’ve learnt to just enjoy the ride, and come out the other side of a mad friend crush feeling like I really appreciate that person.
i hooked up with one of my friends a few nights ago. rookie continues its legacy of posting things that are relevant to your life right at this very moment
This month’s theme oh my! Friendship is the best and luckil
y (or not) i’ve never crushed on a friend. Though this guide will ne helpful if it happen
Ps: this is my blog btw speakingofvlada.blogspot.com
Hahahaha oh god i had this situation with my flatmate and we are still friends (even though we slept together right after i told him i liked him). It was super awk for a few days but in a week or two it was totally back to normal. I definitely recommend just getting it out there and telling them, then running away asap (like i think anaheed recommended in a post a while back). Also hooking up helped me get over those feelings in a good way cos i got it out of my system
hahaa I like this “letting off steam” approach
love it Emily and Ana!!!!! keep it up grrls xxxxx
MAJOR Tavi-under-the-bed syndrome… but I’m not sure if I’m courageous enough / willing enough to risk ruining our friendship??? (wah) (also, friend-crushes are so much more difficult with a friend that’s the same sex as you and you still haven’t gauged if they’d be cool with a same-sex relationship. if you’re in that boat, I sympathize with you endlessly.)
This is so true. Great piece, ultra-relatable. I’m a chronic friend-crusher. xx
i love how the comics are approachable for all kinds of relationships ^_^ guy or girl friends
And when the friendcrush has the same gendered genitals as you, ta-da, the whole story becomes twice as hardcore. :)
anaruizwriting.blogspot.com
Hey <3 do you think you could use "they" instead of "she/he:? just to be superduper inclusive of erryone. Love the drawings too
oh man this is relevant rn