Ananda

You know when you desperately fancy someone and it’s just utterly amazing and you think you’re feeling these feelings you’ve never felt before, but at the same time you want it to end because it’s actually kind of painful? You’re in this weird state where you wish the torture would end, but you also don’t know what you would do with your day if you didn’t have this one person to obsess over. As soon as I’m not crushing on and obsessing over someone, I feel kind of bored and empty. Can you relate? Because that’s where I’m at now.

Some people jump from one intense relationship to the next without taking a breath; I do the same thing without actually ever being in a relationship. And now that I’m not in a state of fixation, what am I meant to fixate on? Because schoolwork isn’t an option, let’s face it.

It’s probably not healthy that I can’t be content unless I’m discontented about someone else, if that makes sense. But I’m not healthy anyway, so oops. ♦