Ananda

I hate living in a world where rape culture is so accepted and normal. I don’t want to be scared when walking alone, I don’t want to have to evaluate what I’m wearing based on how much other people will sexualize me, and I don’t like viewing every passerby as a potential threat. But I do have to do all of these things, and so, probably, do you.

I wore a knee-length dress to school today. My upper arms were covered, I wasn’t showing any cleavage—not that any of that should matter, because it shouldn’t, but then again, it does. I was innocently sitting in the cafeteria eating my lunch, when a friend walked up and told me to “cover up.” I must have looked confused, because then she added, “Your bra strap’s showing.” I was slightly annoyed that she would be so offended by a sliver of visible elastic, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt—people are brought up to have different standards of propriety, and I didn’t think she was trying to be rude or anything. Until she added this:

“You wouldn’t want anyone to get the wrong impression.”

I was flabbergasted. “Wrong impression?” I asked her.

I knew exactly what she was getting at, but I wanted to hear it from her. And maybe I was overreacting, but I was totally shocked when she replied, “You wouldn’t want anyone to think you’re asking for it.”

All of this has already been said many times and in many ways, but it bears repeating, I think. We shouldn’t teach girls how to not get raped instead of teaching boys not to rape. Not that women are the only rape victims, and not that men are the only rapists, but you get what I mean. I’m being careful because I know this is a sensitive subject. I had to say something, though, for my own sanity if nothing else. I’m fed up with hearing “not all men” and “don’t generalise.” Yes, that’s true, it’s not all men. It’s still more than enough. ♦