My next tip is to GET OUT and find your door, man. Do you have a passion that’s entirely separated from your academic world and gives you immense bursts of joy and life? It might sound like I’m just talking about having a hobby, but I don’t want to dismiss this idea as such, because these really are DOORS. Doors to different people, new scenes, and bigger experiences. Because I am a goofy cliché, my door has been rock & roll. Going to shows and spending time at used-record stores were just fun things to do when I was in junior high, but in the years since then, music has become the source of my entire social and cultural life. It led me to develop relationships with entirely new and unique people and have ABSOLUTELY BONKERS AND INCREDIBLE EXPERIENCES OF LOVE AND JOY THAT I CANNOT EVEN REFERENCE WITHOUT ALL-CAPS-ING AT YOU. So, yeah, what’s your door, dude?

Lately, I’ve been playing with a new idea. I call it “Rich Experience$.” It works like this: Whenever I’m doing an activity or considering an action, I ask myself, Is this a Rich Experience? Or: Will this lead me to future Rich Experience$? By rich, I mean: What will be the most FULL, interesting, productive, or giving thing you can do at that moment? This idea helps me separate busywork from enriching work, to filter out mindless time-wasting and fill up my life instead with things that keep me curious and interested/interesting.

Sometimes, I find myself thrilled to have an evening sans obligations, when I can gorge on some well-deserved alone time…then catch myself wasting it by scrolling through Instagram in the dark for an hour. I have to stop and ask, Is this what you wanted your “me time” to be? Is this a Rich Experience? The answer is typically no, so I’ll switch to an activity that’s equally relaxing, but way more rewarding, like doing a face treatment, writing down stupid jokes in my journal, researching the racial history of my neighborhood, or spending two hours discovering new-old music on YouTube. These things feel rich in terms of self-care, good vibes, and enriching my curiosity. Screw empty time! It is the antithesis of Rich Experience$!

Another example: Let’s say I find out about a very good job that’s open in my field. It would look excellent on my résumé, but I feel lukewarm about the company. Would taking that job make for a Rich Experience? Would it give me, or lead me to, a job I will be thrilled to go to, in a city that energizes me, working with people who inspire me? Is it a true step up? There are times for dues-paying types of obligations and responsibilities, but it’s always important to prioritize the holistic experience of a commitment and a goal and what it actually gives you. This sort of thinking protects me from signing up from soul-sucking, time-sucking experiences and keeps me right on track for living a productive and interesting life. So my sign-off piece of advice to you is to go after those Rich Experience$$$, baby, and make it rain. —Dylan
Early-admission applications for college are due soon, and I still have no clue where I want to apply. Every day I want something different—I feel like I’m not choosing just a school, I’m choosing the person I’m going to become! I realize how lucky I am to have the opportunity to go to any school at all, and know I will probably be happy anywhere I choose, but that doesn’t make it any easier! It’s not like Say Yes to the Dress, where they just KNOW “the one” when they see it—how do I decide?! —Ali, 18, Florida

Before I offer you any advice, I want to address the idea of applying early-admission. Sure, it can increase your chance of getting into a college, but if you’re feeling out of touch with your needs and desires, it might not be right for you. You may need more time to figure out what’s out there and to decide what you really truly want and need.

I, like you, had no idea what I wanted from college when I started my senior year of high school. Through a combination of listening to what my parents wanted me to do and feeling like I was supposed to “aim high” and go for the highest-ranked school that accepted me, I ended up doing freshman year at a place I hated. I transferred after that year, and the second time around, I let my own feelings—not my parents’ or some hypothetical future employer’s—guide my decision. I’m much, much happier where I am today.

This is a really specific experience, and very different from yours, but I still think you can learn from my mistakes. There’s a study where researchers basically asked one group of college students to look at some posters and choose one to keep, then take it home, no questions asked. A second group got to do the same thing, but were told that they had to think about and then explain their choices. Here’s what’s interesting: The two groups picked totally different things! The first group, the ones who didn’t have to defend their choices, mostly chose Impressionist art, while the second group picked “funny” posters with cats and cartoons on them. Three weeks later, the researchers checked back in with the students to see how they were enjoying their posters. The ones who didn’t have to explain why they chose a print of a painting by Monet, say, or Van Gogh, were still pretty happy with what they got. The other group, however, reported feeling dissatisfied with their hilarious cartoon/cat posters. So what does this all mean? The researchers concluded that overthinking an impending decision can lead people to make choices they will regret. Which doesn’t mean you shouldn’t think about your upcoming college decision at all—I think you should keep looking at and researching potential colleges, but don’t force yourself to settle on one prematurely. The reason for all that looking and researching is to give yourself more opportunities to have a Say Yes to the Dress moment—those are possible, even with schools!

Since the deadline for your applications is coming soon, I’m assuming that visiting the schools you’re interested in isn’t an option, but there are other ways to get a bit of a sense of what it feels like to go to each place. Some of them might offer interviews over Skype, on the phone, or in person with admissions representatives, students, or alumni. These are great opportunities to ask questions that aren’t answered on a college’s website, hear about other people’s experiences at the school, and get a sense of what type of person might study or work there.

If you have college counselors at your high school, talk to one of them while you’re weighing your choices (but, again, don’t make any hasty decisions!). When I was searching, I found blogs like the New York Times’s (discontinued, but still archived online) college admissions site, The Choice, helpful too.

I also recommend taking your search to Tumblr, where you can search the tags for a particular school, and googling reviews written by its current students. Reading those reviews gave me an understanding of people’s greatest anxieties about and hopes for the colleges I looked at, and Tumblr gave me a better idea of the student bodies’ personalities. (For example, I found comparing the tones of different schools’ “missed connections” blogs, as well as their newspapers’ commentary on key issues within the schools, helpful in determining the culture of a particular campus.) I got to visit my colleges both times around, but the second time, reading obsessively about them in this way further developed my feelings about my schools. Maybe this will be the case for you, too. —Katherine ♦

Have a question about which you’d like some advice from Rookie’s team of weirdos? Email it to us at [email protected]. We like it when you include your NAME, nickname, or first initial, plus your AGE and CITY.