Dear Diary

August 6, 2014

Wishing summer would never end.


I probably know more people this summer than in any of my past ones, and yet I feel lonelier than ever. Sometimes I sleep until 6 PM, just because I don’t want to spend another full day pondering my own isolation. The only person I talk to with any regularity is my best friend.

I know this is all my own doing: I could reach out to other people, but I’ve gotten so used to solitude that I don’t even want to see or talk to anyone else anymore. I can’t remember the last time I took the train somewhere (except for the Nine Inch Nails concert I went to on Friday, which was the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I can only describe it as life-changing and the one place where I felt that I could let loose and be completely happy—besides that, everything feels empty).

Despite all this, I don’t want to go back to school next month. I don’t want to see any of those people again.

I feel full of emptiness. It’s almost a physical sensation. Part of me wants to talk to a therapist, but I don’t know what I would say. I don’t like whining, including in these diaries, but there would be no point in writing them if I were pretending to be something I’m not. ♦


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  • Eileen August 6th, 2014 8:29 PM

    I called them Oma and Opa too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    And: five days? You’ve got all the time in the world for something awesome to happen. At least I’ve been telling myself that all August.

    • sissiLOL August 7th, 2014 6:35 AM

      I also call them Oma and Opa! (or called… :-() Must be a european thing, I think?

      • Ananda August 7th, 2014 6:09 PM

        Aww, my grandmother is Dutch and in Holland. They also say Oma and Opa; hence why I say it. x

  • mangointhesky August 7th, 2014 5:54 AM

    I adored all of these, as usual- Ananda: this makes me want to try ice cream like that for myself, even though I’m also a teeny-enormous amount scared that I’ll hate it.

  • Hannahomemade August 8th, 2014 8:37 PM

    Lilly- I could really connect with everything you said, as it seems we are in the same boat with a lot of stuff. Im jealous that youre still on holiday.. I hope you have a great year at school and good luck with soccer!!

  • Hani August 9th, 2014 6:19 AM

    You guys have it good there. WE DON’T EVEN HAVE SUMMER HERE