Dear Diary

July 2, 2014

We know what you’re going to do this summer (because you just told us).


I have this odd, uneasy feeling that I don’t know how to get rid of. It is a cross between wanting to enjoy this summer and wanting to be back in school. Basically, I do not know what to do with my time.

I want to find new things and rediscover things that excited me in the past. I want to listen to new music and meet new people, since almost everyone I know left New York for the summer. I don’t mind being stuck here, though. I need this time alone to selfishly feed my interests and remember what I feel like when I feel like myself, when I’m not running away from my own thoughts.

I am cringing as I type this because I know how clichéd it sounds, but that truth is something else I’m learning not to run from. Last week I mentioned this quote from Sylvia Plath: “Go out and do something. It isn’t your room that’s a prison, it’s yourself.” I think the key to enjoying this summer will be forcing myself to turn my prison into a sanctuary, something that helps me grow instead of keeping me confined. ♦


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  • gvantsa-goes-by-wendy July 2nd, 2014 7:24 PM

    damn, Lilly, it’s so cool that you have soccer, I mean that you have something you love so much and are good at and try your best to reach more succes, at only 15. I’m a bit jealous – in a friendly way – coz there are so many things I could’ve pursued and been quite good at but didn’t, so much stuff I missed out on. But your entry made me smile, and I’m glad for you, good luck!

  • gvantsa-goes-by-wendy July 2nd, 2014 7:27 PM

    oh, and I forgot, the fact that it’s soccer AND that you’re a 15 year-old female, there’s something quite badass about it. I know it shouldn’t be considered badass and it’s because of our patriarchal society, but that’s the way it is and what you do IS inspiring for many girls, I think. Even for me, who is 3 years older than you. :) x

  • weetzie July 2nd, 2014 8:27 PM

    ANANDA the Once More With Feeling soundtrack was like the only thing I listened to for 4 months last spring when I was depressed, hearing it referenced here is so special because I probably know all the words and would watch the episode once or twice a week all throughout the end of the school year when I was in such a bad place.

  • Mimi7 July 2nd, 2014 10:35 PM

    I don’t think that getting your ears pieced has to be because you’re trying to be fashionable or pretty to other people. It can be just because it seems fun to attach jewels or cute objects to yourself. Earrings are like glitter or body stickers.

  • Kilani July 3rd, 2014 9:26 AM

    Ananda I love that you are listening to the Once More With Feeling soundtrack. That is my favorite episode of Buffy.

  • Paola July 3rd, 2014 4:56 PM

    uh oh Ananda you just got a recently-initiated Buffy watcher really excited for this “Once More With Feeling” ep. Also, Lily, I’m on my school’s soccer team and I’ve been trying so hard to try to get up and start preparing for the season; last season was kind of a bummer. I can’t seem to find the motivation until now; I guess it’s not a good thing that I can’t find motivation within myself but when I hear about what other people are doing… let’s just say thanks to you I’m going to work really hard tomorrow morning.