Marah

I came to Damascus to take my baccalaureate exams, and decided to stay and continue my education here. I am overwhelmed with classes and homework, trying hard to be the best student in school. But, although I am staying with relatives, I don’t know them very well, I feel very alone here. I long for my mother, my siblings, my friends, my city. How strange that it took my getting the things I craved back home, like abundant food and electricity, for me to appreciate what I had there that I don’t have here: the warmth and security of family. Without my family, I feel like a withering plant that was cut off from its roots.

Life is weird. It is a strict teacher that makes you overcome its difficulties so you can learn from your experiences. I’m learning more and more in the classroom here, but the outside world is teaching me harsher lessons.

A lot of the time here, I don’t know what to say. I really don’t. I am adjusting to this new life. Maybe I need my mother’s help. If I had more money, I would make my mother come live here with me. And my younger sister could join us, and she could finally enjoy round-the-clock electricity too.

I am suddenly unsure of myself. Will I achieve my dream and go to college? Or will I end up drifting off to wherever circumstance takes me? I don’t know where my destiny will lead. ♦

Marah’s diary is produced in collaboration with Syria Deeply, a digital news outlet covering the Syrian crisis. It was translated from the Arabic by Mais Istanbelli.