Dear Diary

June 4, 2014

Meet our brand-new diarist, Lilly!

Britney

The end of school finally seems like a real thing, thanks to a barrage of tests and acne and mosquito bites and a lot of introspection that makes me want to share all the time but also keep a lot to myself out of fear of losing myself to the world. I feel like I’m under a lot of pressure, but not because of any one specific thing—it’s not even mostly studying/test stress, it’s bigger than that, and more amorphous: a looming anxiety that I deal with by trying not to think about it. It feels like this anxiety has already worn out my summer before it’s begun.

There is so much I want to say, but I don’t know how to say it. I keep ending my diary entries on this note, but it is difficult not to. ♦

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11 Comments

  • honorarygilmoregal June 4th, 2014 7:47 PM

    Hey Lilly! Looking forward to more diaries from you :)

  • MissKnowItAll June 4th, 2014 7:51 PM

    Hey! Love the new diarist! Looking forward to hearing more from Lilly!
    Also, I was just wondering but are you looking for another diarist?

  • meels June 4th, 2014 7:55 PM

    welcome lilly!
    excited to read more from you :)

  • maryjanesandconverse June 4th, 2014 8:04 PM

    oooh, feminism and extraterrestrial life; I already like Lilly :)

  • K8 is Gr8 June 4th, 2014 8:53 PM

    Hi Lilly! I’m so excited you’re become a part of dear diary! (Especially because you’re my age!)

  • beansprout June 4th, 2014 10:13 PM

    yo lilly, i’m a junior at the moment, so this might change, but my current college plans are double major in classical studies (latin and greek) and gender studies with a minor in mathematics and some stuff with linguistics if i can fit it in. you are so not alone with the “conflicting” interests situation. also, nice to meet you !

    britney, i think i understand what you are feeling and i think i feel it too. i am so stuck and so anxious constantly that i can’t get any school work done. i’m just waiting for summer to arrive, and yet i can already feel myself wasting my summer, crying a lot, and going back to school miserable two months later. i want to do things and i can’t and i feel like i’m always failing. i don’t have much to say ever. maybe this is not what you are feeling though, i don’t know. i’m sending good vibes your way anyhow.

  • Pattymafu June 5th, 2014 10:24 AM

    britney, I’m feeling qu¡te the same at this moment. It’s like everything stresses me out or wories me too much, and I want to say a lot of things but I end up not saying anything at all, just keeping it to myself because I don’t think anyone will get me. It’s hard, I sometimes feel lonely and it scares me.

    Welcome Lilly! it’s nice to have some more voices!

  • insanejane June 5th, 2014 4:01 PM

    I totally understand you Lilly ! I do dance and I love drama and cinema and literature and foreign languages but I don’t know how I’ll manage to make collide all those passions… And I will graduate at the end of next year and I’m into the dilemma of WHAT WILL I DO after highschool…it’s like there is a void after these years!
    So, hope we will all fond our paths in what we love !
    Nice to read you, dear new recruit!

    http://www.yellowintherainbow.tumblr.com

  • silvermist June 5th, 2014 4:56 PM

    Hi Lilly! Your diary reminds me of myself in high school (ha this sounds lame as I’m only 21).
    I was part of my school’s terrible soccer team and I LOVED aliens – I remember spending revision classes doing these quizzes about my chances of being abducted by aliens.
    I was also in the drama club, language club and debate club (the teacher used part of the budget to buy us cake and candy for the sessions – nothing best than discussing stuff over chocolate cake.)
    It was really difficult to choose a major because I loved everything too much and I wanted to do everything and to be everything.
    Eventually things turned out fine and I found you can keep doing all the things you like even after settling for a major/career.
    I’m also happy I had the chance to explore so many things when I was in high school and that I got to have all these memories of my time there.

    really looking forward to your next diaries! <3

  • Elsary June 8th, 2014 9:25 AM

    Hi Lilly! Sounds so cool, welcome *big warm hug*
    It seems that we have something together -my interests are physics and writing, and I want to be journalist but I’ll be taking huge amount of physics & chemistry lessons in college/high school (which starts next autumn!!!).And I’m like, “HOW DO I COMBINE THESE?!
    Really waiting for your next diaries!