Dear Diary

June 11, 2014

Hurtling toward the inevitable future.

Britney

She makes me want to be less destructive. She makes me want to be a different kind of person, one whose main quality is not uncontrollable impulsivity. I want to be someone who says the right things and can carry on long conversations without trying to cover up my awkwardness with jokes. It’s really hard sometimes to remember that she likes me, especially when I am holding a microscope up to my worst features.

She is my favorite person, someone I can lie down with in a field and listen to Beck and laugh and talk about just about anything. I feel like talking about how much I like her is the opposite of what I should be doing here, for some reason, but it would be harder to write about my week without mentioning her.

It feels so odd, after years of devout pessimism, to fall for someone who completely overturns my dark worldview. It feels a little uncomfortable, that sudden change, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Nothing is perfect, but everything is better. ♦

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10 Comments

  • DymondMag June 11th, 2014 7:06 PM

    everyone’s writing is so beautiful. Marah’s entry really touched me, her writing is quite poetic at times yet she has such excellent control over it. I look forward to seeing more of her beautiful writing in the future!
    http://dymondmag.blogspot.com

  • ray sims June 11th, 2014 7:11 PM

    lilly makes me wish even more that i had picked up a sport when i was younger!!! hope the tryouts go well <3

  • book_kitty June 11th, 2014 7:18 PM

    Ahhh Britney I’m so happy for you and you are beautiful and amazing and remember that she loves you just the way you are ;)

    Marah, thank you for giving me perspective and humanizing the conflict in Syria with stories and moments, not facts and news articles that only seem to distance us (North Americans and other developed, peaceful countries) and reminding me that although I may complain about my upcoming exams, it is really a privelige.

    and Lilly, your diaries so far have really intrigued me because you are so different from who I am and it’s interesting to get this different POV.

  • flapperhatgirl June 11th, 2014 7:36 PM

    Good luck on the exams, Marah!

  • ColoredSoft June 12th, 2014 11:57 AM

    Fuck, I hope Marah is okay.

    • ColoredSoft June 12th, 2014 12:03 PM

      Lilly you better woooooork you got this, girl :)
      Britney, I’m glad you are happy!! Remember that you’re amazing, remember that for yourself.
      Again, thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us, Marah. For all my life I’m not going to forget your diaries. Wishing you good luck!!

  • itsaoifedahling June 12th, 2014 3:23 PM

    Britney you deserve to be happy <3
    Marah your courage is unbelievable and you inspire me to look at the big picture every day.
    Lilly I hope you made the team and if you didn't, that you're satisfied you did your best. You picked a good time to come here (ireland) for once it's not raining! Hope you have a magical time !
    Aoife

    http://a-little-pearl-of-wisdom.tumblr.com/

  • beansprout June 12th, 2014 7:10 PM

    “Nothing is perfect, but everything is better.” I really liked that line Britney like really a lot a lot wow. I think I understand that feeling.

  • itssabine June 15th, 2014 5:16 AM

    Britney, your entry made me smile. Beautifully written and it felt really hopeful to me.
    I am always amazed by Marah’s writing. It’s so clear and controlled, yet filled with so much feeling. Beautiful.

    http://cursive-type.blogspot.com

  • khuloodf June 20th, 2014 12:31 PM

    I’m so happy that Marah is persevering and continuing with all her plans despite the crisis. Many others have dropped out of school or probably would not have taken such a risk, but I’m so proud of her for doing it anyway. Thank you for valuing your education, and thank you for seeing hope for yourself despite your seemingly hopeless surroundings. It is youth with courage and big dreams that will pick the country back up when this is all over. As long as there are people who refuse to give up, we are not truly lost.

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