Dear Diary

May 7, 2014

Sugar and stress.

Britney

Anxiety is a regular feature in my life in the way that breakfast or the daily train ride to school is, except a lot more frustrating, which gives me anxiety about my anxiety. It starts with the decision not to tell a friend how mad I am and letting that anger grow inside me until I take it out on myself, or overanalyzing the way my hands move when I am talking or the sound of my voice. It rests on my brain like a stone, pressing down every time I move.

Besides that, right now I have a nice existence. I think about what summer will feel like. I think about what it will be like to be 15 (and, for once, I can think of my birthday without becoming anxious about age and getting older), what life without school will be like. I write more. I don’t feel like a waste of space. ♦

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6 Comments

  • cleobea May 7th, 2014 9:07 PM

    I love the diaries, as always! Marah’s entry is always a great read because her world is so different from mine yet she asks herself the same questions about adolescence. Of course, in her context, they carry more weight…
    I have to ask- is the add for a sauce with ‘the taste of together’ that appeared in my sidebar planned to fit the month’s theme, or is it a beautiful coincidence of the internet?

  • doikoon May 8th, 2014 10:50 AM

    What happened to Naomi’s and Katherine’s?

    • Amy Rose May 8th, 2014 2:07 PM

      Naomi and Katherine both graduated from teenagerdom! They’re still writing for the site, though, so never fear.

  • booklover May 8th, 2014 4:18 PM

    Dealing with anxiety myself and feeling like no one understands me sometimes.Thank you for your diaries girls!

  • poplar May 12th, 2014 9:38 AM

    Marah’s piece resonates so deeply in me, as my country (which is Ukraine) is suffering from a similar tragedy right now.
    There is this constant concern: “Am I allowed to think like a youth in times like this? Can I afford it?”
    I hope Marah and everyone who is in the same position will live with no care in the world again. Hold on.

  • elektraheart May 13th, 2014 1:17 PM

    “They carry rifles instead of roses.”
    Really powerful.