This is goodbye.
This is my last diary entry for Rookie.
I feel the sadness creeping up on me like the tide, and I know I’ll have regrets about this decision, but I’ve thought about it for weeks, and I know this is the right choice.
I often go weeks without turning in a diary entry, leaving the post short. It’s unfair to you guys, and it’s unfair to my editor, Anaheed, when I don’t turn anything in and am too swamped by my inner life to remember to let her know in advance.
I’m sick of writing about my most recent self. Frankly, I hate myself. It’s a temporary thing, I’m sure. My self-esteem will rise again, but I can’t do this anymore. My internal life has been nothing but pain for the longest time, and it’s hard not to make every week’s contribution negative, writing almost exclusively about my own pain and being a brat about my life, which is really great outside my head.
I’ve been through so much with you guys. Your comments and messages helped me cope with the loss of my mother two years ago, and I will always be grateful for that support. You congratulated me when I had good relationships, you supported me through breakups. You are the best readers/friends I could ever ask for. I’m tearing up as I write this, because I’ll miss being part of the Dear Diary club, which includes all of you lovely readers.
I’m not disappearing. I’ll still write for Rookie. But not being a diarist is going to feel really different.
Thank you all for the love. This was an amazing opportunity, and I love you all. I’ll catch you on the flip side. ♦