Dear Diary

May 14, 2014

Holding fast to dreams.


I write at least part of a poem every single day, and it’s made me feel as though I have regained a significant part of my soul. I see the world differently when I’m actively writing poetry; my brain feels more alive.

My poems are like a diary of my brain—they reflect whatever I’ve been thinking about that day. Lately I’ve been thinking about the Beat Generation and about Patti Smith; my recent poems are about Laura Palmer’s secret diary and drug addicts wandering through old New York City and people who have passed through my life.

I don’t know how I went so long without writing poetry, but I have new hope for the future. I feel like a writer again, and it’s one of the best feelings in the multiverse.

Summer is close; I can feel the heat on my skin when my gym class goes outside to play football on the Astroturf. For once in my life, I feel kind of sad about school ending, but I also look forward to summer, to making it matter for once. I’m hoping to take a trip to San Diego with one of my best friends over the break. I cannot take another three consecutive months of New York.

But all is well. In fact, everything is really good. I feel weird saying that for some reason, but it is the truth. ♦


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  • honorarygilmoregal May 14th, 2014 10:40 PM

    Congrats Caitlin!

  • angieangie May 14th, 2014 11:03 PM

    Congratss Caitlin!

  • cactiqueen May 15th, 2014 12:13 AM

    I love the artwork for this post!

  • LuxOrBust May 15th, 2014 12:24 AM

    Ruby, speaking as someone who’s been in a similar position…I swear, things DO get better. Nothing lasts forever, and this crumbling feeling will not last forever. I send you hugs from afar and hope these words help in a small way

  • mangachic May 15th, 2014 3:34 AM

    It’s so incredible and heartbreaking to read Marah’s posts.

  • Elsary May 15th, 2014 7:14 AM

    Congrats Caitlin! I love that piece of art <3

  • ConstanceEve May 17th, 2014 5:58 AM

    Ruby, you wrote how I felt 4 days ago I just wanted to say thanks for putting it into words. I can’t say I’ve shaken it off myself yet or how long it will take to feel my own girl again but reading this entry helped. Your writing is strong and you will feel strong again, I know it.