Dear Diary

May 14, 2014

Holding fast to dreams.


I am surrounded by a darkness that presses on me from all sides while I slowly implode. No, implode sounds too explosive—I crumble. With each text message I type out, each elevator button I press, each word I say, every step I take, I am crumbling.

I feel myself become hollow, like a cave. My thoughts echo inside me.

I no longer have all these diagnoses; I have become them. They are all my thoughts.

I feel really bad, I type, immediately regretting it. I know he’ll only feel guilty and I’ll just have to pretend I don’t need him by my side. ♦


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  • honorarygilmoregal May 14th, 2014 10:40 PM

    Congrats Caitlin!

  • angieangie May 14th, 2014 11:03 PM

    Congratss Caitlin!

  • cactiqueen May 15th, 2014 12:13 AM

    I love the artwork for this post!

  • LuxOrBust May 15th, 2014 12:24 AM

    Ruby, speaking as someone who’s been in a similar position…I swear, things DO get better. Nothing lasts forever, and this crumbling feeling will not last forever. I send you hugs from afar and hope these words help in a small way

  • mangachic May 15th, 2014 3:34 AM

    It’s so incredible and heartbreaking to read Marah’s posts.

  • Elsary May 15th, 2014 7:14 AM

    Congrats Caitlin! I love that piece of art <3

  • ConstanceEve May 17th, 2014 5:58 AM

    Ruby, you wrote how I felt 4 days ago I just wanted to say thanks for putting it into words. I can’t say I’ve shaken it off myself yet or how long it will take to feel my own girl again but reading this entry helped. Your writing is strong and you will feel strong again, I know it.