Everything else

Editor’s Letter

May 2014: Together

Photo by Olivia Bee.

Photo by Olivia.

Dear Rookies,

This month’s theme is Together, but this letter is about a breakup. I have weighed the tackiness of writing about this kind of thing on the internet, and concluded that what I have to say about it is not that much more personal from the other stuff I’ve been sharing online for what is now a third of my life: the relationships I have to my favorite books/movies/bands, my ever-evolving beliefs, my most precious memories. I’m also motivated by the hope that drives most of what we humans do—that by putting this stuff out into the world, I will feel connected to another earthling for a handful of minutes (and I don’t just mean through wifi, hyuk hyuk), which is ultimately what Together is about, and which becomes a much more urgent need once you no longer have someone to spoil you with kisses.

Good Thing About Breakups #1: The urgency of the aforementioned need for connection causes you to discover love and beauty in places you might not have otherwise, what with the easy happiness provided by a healthy relationship. (Not that there is ANYTHING to be romanticized about an unhealthy relationship. I mean that sometimes when shit in your life is going really well in traditional ways, you forget to stop and smell the roses [-scented perfume, Glow by J.Lo].)

Real Live Diary-Entry Proof:

Before the breakup, when everything was going effortlessly well, I was talking with Allyssa and Shriya, and they told me about the way the sky looked on a bus ride home recently, and how it was so beautiful that it made them both cry. I had so much trouble relating to that. I knew that I would have related at one point, but that piece of my heart had been hibernating, the one that used to so determinedly seek out such small golden secrets as, like, an act of rebellion against sadness (sadness of my own, but also some gray idea of it as a looming sky presence, killing us all slowly with TV dinners and the like).

That is one thing I have valued dearly about being a teenager: hating everything so much that love becomes a means of survival. Not romantic love, but general life-love. This has come back to me since the breakup, despite the expectation of girls and women going through heartache to lash out at any forms of romantic love that surround them in their time of mourning, to yell at strangers seen kissing in public or throw Nilla wafers at the TV when a commercial for a dating website comes on. Granted, there was nothing bitter about my own separation—we’re both moving at the end of the summer and just decided to rip off the Band-Aid instead of drowning in anxiousness about how to enjoy our remaining time together—but I have found little truth to this cliché.

Good Thing About Breakups #2: Going through heartache makes you genuinely happy to encounter love somewhere on this godforsaken planet, whether or not it is one you are directly experiencing.

Real Live Diary-Entry Proof:

Rivkah pulled me onto the first car of the subway and stood me at the front window, where we both watched the oncoming tracks disappear beneath our feet. At one point a little boy got on with his dad and his brother and watched with us. Sitting to our left was a middle-aged couple, the woman taking forever to get a steady photo of the man but smiling the whole time, just beaming at him, and he was shy-looking, but the opposite of annoyed, more like psyched that they were so happy to be with each other. It didn’t make me sad, because it did not have to be a breakup thing; it was a human/life thing.

See: Britney’s diary entry from last summer about aspiring to an all-encompassing general life-love.

See: that time I walked down the street into a gust of wind and it felt, legit, like a hug.

See: the other day when a guy asked a girl to prom in French class, and it didn’t have to feel like a personal attack on my current emotional state; it felt like, yay, more positivity in the world: General Love, 1; General Bad Stuff, 0.

It takes a bit of effort to feel this hippie-dippy confidence that the world and I are generally on the same team, but Good Thing About Breakups #3: They offer access to heartbreak, one of the most universal experiences ever, one that ultimately makes you feel more like an alive human who is part of something and less like a bitter ghost who hates everything.

Real Live Letter-I-Once-Wrote-Claire Proof:

The world is a lot bigger than Oak Park, our high school, or the stupid people currently in your life. I’m not talking about the art world or the community you’ll find at college. I’m talking about the entire planet Earth, I’m talking about the movie you told me about that made you cry, where it just showed a bunch of clips of life in different forms, babies crying and insects mating and stuff. That’s the world that you’re a part of.

Lots of people like to express concern for us younguns that by staying connected through phones and other robots invented by our generation’s greatest minds (Jimmy Neutron and T.J. Henderson), we are missing out on the human Together described above. I’m not one to indulge pointless arguments about the internet, but I will say that, as somebody who has spent a good chunk of her time on earth documenting and sharing it for the WWW to see, I don’t feel robbed of privacy or purity, because once I got out of middle school and over myself, I stopped seeing the idea of other people in general as innately gross/bad. The sociologist Richard Sennett, who wrote The Fall of Public Man, said in an interview with the CBC, “We take it for granted that when we are really present, when we’re really alive, really there for someone else, we’re going to be hidden from a crowd rather than in the midst of it.” I read this in Let’s Talk About Love by Carl Wilson, who then summarizes the rest of the interview:

He traces this viewpoint to the second half of the 19th century, when the public cultures that had been evolving in cosmopolitan cities went into retreat, due to elite paranoia about crowds (mobs) and the rise of bourgeois family life and psychology. Exteriors became suspect; the interior, inwardness, became the wellspring of truth. And that’s the onramp en route to the gated community.

So while I am an avid journaler and all-around fan of solitude, I don’t think there has to be anything particularly vile about the fact that the internet has often been, and will more often be, the onramp en route to a feeling of Together. I get that something feels less sincere about sharing stuff on a site with “likes” and “reblogs” than on a typewriter, or in the sand, or using tiny twigs like a Wes Anderson credits sequence, but there was a time when even novels were conceived of as tacky and dangerous to society. And now everyone wants to save the printed word! If you have nothing to lose and nothing to prove, and don’t think being in public is necessarily a performance, then the way I and many people reading this have grown up—typing out our feelings to friends we’ve never met, sharing life’s minutiae when it seems to have some value—does not seem intrinsically dirty, or like some kind of loss, or less truthful than the way our parents did it.

There are, of course, armpits of the internet that should never be crossed—I have Comment Block installed for a reason. But I love the internet’s excitement when an artist we love drops a new album the way I love a power pop ballad, or the way I’m actually sad that I missed what would have been my last-ever school spirit assembly. Sometimes this desire to be part of a whole is FOMO, sometimes it’s the disturbing dopamine rush from seeing new Instagram notifications, but often it’s just the itch to learn from and share with other people, and what could be more pure, human, and/or earnest than that?

Jonas Mekas:

When I see a film and I like it, I want to share my enthusiasm for it with others. There is so little in this modern commercial world that is really and truly exciting…that it’s very important for me that those little fragments of beauty, of Paradise, are brought to the attention of friends and strangers equally.

Lester Bangs’s character in Almost Famous (the real Lester died 32 years ago today):

The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you’re uncool.

Accounting for this currency makes me feel as wealthy as the Wolf of Wall Street guy, minus all the sociopathy. We all feel a little uncool, we have all known pain, and this commonality serves as the basis for so many kinds of Together that my heart feels more ready for than ever.

Real Live Diary-Entry Proof:

I read Liz Armstrong’s article “Breaking in a Broken Heart” in the car this morning and started crying when she said, “You are loved.” It was extremely special to get to read Rookie to feel better. Like, I have a much greater understanding now of…I guess what we can mean to people and how incredible this connection is and how crucial it is that these spaces exist, not, like, to Journalism and Media, but just in making people feel better.

I’ve always felt a little too inside it or maybe a little too happy, more recently, to understand how badly some people love it and relate to it and hold it close on an emotional, not just an intellectual, level. But now I fully understand the immense comfort of knowing that something like this exists, that people care, that we’re all feeling everything. I’m crying! I love what I do so much, and I love everyone I get to work with and for. This is really good fuel now for finishing the Yearbook work I’ve been too sad to tackle. It’s no longer just “I want to make something that’ll blow people’s minds,” but more: I want to make something beautiful, safe and scary in all the right ways, loving and there for people. It’s not just about killing it 24/7 and Coming For Yr Job and being, like, empowering and kick-ass, or about wanting people to find that they are strong in simply a Robyn/CEO way, but letting people be strong human beings who can fully know and love themselves enough to extend that feeling to the world and populate our earth with good friendships, meaningful art, and stuff to make us all laugh.

I have had this mission since the beginning, but it’s been easy as of late to feel like more of a “career woman” than like an often-lonely high-schooler. But when I finished Liz’s article, I just didn’t care, from a job standpoint, if that piece (or any other) got enough traction or whatever, because it helped me so much, and if it can do that for just one other person, that’s enough for me. There are so many different kinds of love, and I can’t believe my luck in feeling this kind so strongly.

This month’s theme is Together. This letter started with a breakup, and it ends with a new beginning. As with writing about my relationship, I have weighed the tackiness of including a diary entry so blatantly self-serving and Rookie-complimenting, but as I turn 18 and graduate high school into a series of unknowns, one thing is very clear: Rookie has a life of its own, comprising and nurtured by so many voices outside of mine. Thank you for that. I can’t say it enough.




  • noqa May 1st, 2014 3:14 PM

    Tavi, this is so beautiful. This is true. This is right.

  • mainaeliz May 1st, 2014 3:26 PM

    I love Liz’s article. I’m glad it helped you get through what you’re going through now. Hopefully May’s new beginning will inspire you.

  • lunaticbeings May 1st, 2014 3:29 PM

    tavi, i have endless love for you and your work. thank you for everything. rookie has been like a family, like a home to me. you are great.

    • Maya Chimera May 1st, 2014 4:23 PM

      I was about to declare my love for you too! And here’s a line from my diary to prove it: “I’m so happy to live on this planet along Tavi and her work”.

      This space is so important to me. Every single day since it was published, I read a printout of Megan’s piece on getting lost. It’s the only thing that helps me remain calm and to keep trying. The comments of my fellow rookies are often just as uplifting, inspiring and valuable as the posts they are referring to.

      Thank you so much!

  • naomi-o May 1st, 2014 3:53 PM

    thank you Tavi for reminding us of our connection to a beautiful world. sometimes it’s hard to see outside our bubbles.

  • Chloe22 May 1st, 2014 3:56 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing this with us Tavi. I actually don’t believe there’s anything shallow or selfish about writing about yourself, at least in the way you do it. Your helping yourself by trying to figure it all out (none of us ever will completely figure everything out (especially math homework) ), and helping others realize we’re all pretty much the same (as the often shared picture of skeletons tells us). You and me actually have pretty different lives (i’ve never set foot in a school, especially a high school; i’m homeschooled) and I often hate being a teenager more than anything, and I wish I could see the beauty in this time of my life and the things you explore about it, like the concept of Forever. But in so much of your work, from your quirky (sorry!) fashion blog to the unique and eccentrically crazy awesome article by you and other authors on Rookie, I’ve felt less alone and maybe a little glad I don’t have to worry about taxes just yet.

  • onlykhenzo May 1st, 2014 3:57 PM

    I literally print out all your editors letters like this, that have such a bright pink ring of sincerity and honesty and vulnerability and general Tavi-ness around them.
    This letter gives me the warm fuzzies and it really couldn’t have arrived at a better time.

  • strawberryhair May 1st, 2014 4:23 PM

    Tavi, thank you so much for your whole letter. You just made me feel better about growing up in a lot of different ways. What you wrote about heartbreak helping you to appreciate small beautiful things felt very true and important and real. Your editor’s letters, and your writing in general, always make me feel reassured and hopeful about life.
    And thank you, hundreds and hundreds of times over, for Rookie. Rookie has made me feel connected to other girls and also to ~the world~, made me take my own views seriously, introduced me to feminism and political activism, improved my self esteem about a thousand times over, helped me to see the magical parts of sucky everyday school life, showed me how strong we can be when we come together, been there with good advice on everything from making friends to dealing with school to loneliness, made me feel less alone, encouraged me to challenge and trust myself creatively and personally, helped me to understand things like girl hate and class prejudice, made me feel like there are good and beautiful things in the world when it’s late and I’m sitting in my room finishing school projects and hating everything, opened up a world outside of school and a little town to me, introduced me to writers and bands and artists whose work has been really special to me, and just generally been a cool older sister/best friend to me for the past two years.
    I am so grateful for everything you have done to start and curate Rookie, and for creating a community and not just a magazine. Your work has meant so much and been so much for me.
    All my love,

  • honorarygilmoregal May 1st, 2014 4:34 PM

    Tavi, you are definitely not being tacky. Thank you for being willing to open up to us about something personal to you. And your writing always, always is something relatable and wonderful.

  • amanda May 1st, 2014 4:38 PM

    I once sent an email to the submissions address that was really just a teary, sad, hopeless “I’m never gonna work in the field I want to” thing. And I’ve regretted sending it, but the reason I did is that Rookie ~really is~ this emotional place where all us readers can come to feel safe and cared about. God, I’m sounding like the cake girl in Mean Girls. (http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/b7/65/1f/b7651f35543a6e4f9ab3fc04c512110c.jpg)

    Anyway, I knew there was nothing you guys could actually do to help me, but at that point in my life, I had talked to everyone I could (= close friends and family) and they were all telling me I had to stay on the career path, trying to get it going, and completely ignoring the fact that at that point, I didn’t have the financial and mental health/emotional resources to make that work. If I had stayed at it and kept trying, the far more likely result would have been me crashing, my body just breaking down (which has happened before in a similar situation), with no significant progress in the career thing achieved anyway. So I ignored everybody (who weren’t really listening to me anyway, or at least not taking my particular situation in consideration when giving their advice) and did what I knew I had to do, took care of myself first. I made sure that whatever happens next, my well being is taken care of, and my physical and emotional self won’t get in the way of further growing anymore.

  • Eibh May 1st, 2014 5:43 PM

    Tavi, this is amazing.

    My favourite quote from The US Office is in the finale when Pam says “there’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?’ and I felt like you were saying that when talking about Good things about breakups #1. Although at the moment I am generally stressed out and anxious about everything (exams) and I haven’t really been seeing the beauty in the world, I try to do so usually. You see so much of it when you pay attention and it just changes your view on everything.

    Thank you so much for allowing me to feel connected to everyone here.

  • RatioRae May 1st, 2014 6:34 PM

    I really wish that one day I can write as beautifully as you do.


  • Ally_O May 1st, 2014 7:11 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing this. This makes me feel better.

  • Chelsea Reich May 1st, 2014 7:12 PM

    Tavi, this is so powerful. Thank you for your vulnerability. <3

  • ikaretababy May 1st, 2014 7:51 PM


    I just broke up with my boyfriend (and first love) a week ago for the same reason you mentioned — I’m moving very far away at the end of the summer and deciding how to spend our last months together ended up being crushingly sad instead of joyful in any way. On top of that, the breakup had been coming for a long, long time, and both of us were just too in love to take that at face value.

    I cried when I read this because it’s everything I’ve been thinking for the past week and haven’t put into words. For about six days I was inconsolably sad. Then, as I was driving home one perfect warm spring evening and listening to Change My Mind by 1D and scream-singing the lyrics as loud as I could with the windows down, I realized I actually felt happy in that moment. Even though I was broken up with the boy I was deeply in love with! AND IT HAD ONLY BEEN A WEEK.

    That glorious 1D moment just proved how much love we have inside ourselves that can lay dormant when we have somebody else to, as you said, spoil us w kisses 24/7. And rather than retreat inside myself to deal with the sadness, it’s made me want to make connections with more people and nurture the ones I already have. Rather than feeling a love-deficiency, I feel a LOVE-ABUNDANCE, and I hope you feel that too.

    I’m so thankful for Rookie and the whole Rookie community and everything you do!

  • die_mad May 1st, 2014 8:30 PM

    every time i read an editor’s letter, i feel a huge warm hug coming from my computer. rookie is so important to me, and i thank you for taking the time to connect to all of us. i love you!

  • spudzine May 1st, 2014 8:44 PM

    I love how POSITIVE this letter is. Of course, all articles and ‘editor’s letters’ are somewhat positive on Rookie, but I love how being together with other people is illustrated as such an uplifting experience, instead of being, like, super negative about the idiots of the world. Rookie makes me feel much less alone every time I log on to the site, because there are other people who feel the SAME THING I feel! And that’s really special.


  • alesssurprise May 1st, 2014 9:30 PM

    so beautiful ♥

  • raindropsonroses May 1st, 2014 10:03 PM

    When I read articles or editor’s letters like this one it makes me so so so happy/thankful to have discovered Rookie, and to feel part of the community just through the fact that I relate to so much on here and the community feels so honest and beautiful. Tavi, you’re incredible and I wish you all the best post-high school!!!

  • ninagp May 1st, 2014 11:35 PM


  • gracelliot May 2nd, 2014 12:53 AM

    this is so special. now I’m crying! <3

  • Kal May 2nd, 2014 1:58 AM


    I can’t not comment on your Editor Letters or pretty much anything else you write because I feel like I am so internally connected to your work that it saturates me with a multitude of emotions.

    My blog recently turned a year and a half old and while it hasn’t been nearly as successful as Style Rookie or Rookie, I got the same sort of feeling about stats and views on articles when WordPress notified me of the milestone.

    I think when I first started sharing my thoughts in words on the internet I had this secret motive to gain something or make myself known. But after so many posts and so much time, I realized that the messages and emails I receive from people who’ve read my posts and feel find between the lines are what makes it worth it. Not worth it like recognition but worth it like here is two strangers on opposite sides of the world sharing a little chunk of love with each other in a totally cheesy storybook kind of way.

    In short, I just wanna thank you for constantly facilitating a platform for such relationships to grow and for developing them with so many of us.

    Oh oh and please come to Houston or Austin, Texas needs you guys!



  • Ruby Jones May 2nd, 2014 6:47 AM

    this is stunning. thank you for sharing all that you do tavi, it is brave and comforting and inspiring and beautiful, and we LOVE you for that (all of us little rookies, together 4eva) x

  • sonnentanz May 2nd, 2014 1:07 PM

    in the spirit of together-ness, I have a suggestion. I’d love to get to know some of you rookies better, because all of you are so rad and interesting! maybe we (this is also directed at the rookie staff ;)) could set up some sort of pen-pal thing? I think we could all make some awesome friendships!
    anyways, this was just going through my head, let me know what you think. :) x

    • gentleman honey farmer May 5th, 2014 2:45 PM

      I wholeheartedly agree! I’ve been scouring the Internet to find something along these lines – either penpals or a way to find out about Rookie meetups in my area. Does such a thing exist? And if not, can we start it??

  • May 2nd, 2014 1:10 PM

    I recently watched a TED video about you, Tavi (A Teen just trying to figure it all out). I was inspired when I heard that somebody else also wants to be, in the words of a fellow teen blogger, (www.nerdlymusings.wordpress.com) “I want to live as someone who pushes society forward, who works towards the expansion of our scientific knowledge. I want to travel the world.” I then noticed something that my mother had bought me on Dubai airport – Rookie Yearbook 2. Quite coincidentally, I had it on holiday and in my lap while watching your TED video! I noticed the names matching on the book and video and knew that this Kooky, Intellectual was the person to explore. I shall now commit to reading Rookie, following Rookie and posting to Rookie.


  • rahima May 2nd, 2014 3:45 PM

    This is brilliant! This somehow reminds me of the scene in the movie Peirrot Le Fou, where Anna’s character is talking about Jean’s character being so into art and literature while she on the other hand, just wants to live. I’ve been thinking about that scene a lot lately and wondered if it was possible to mix the living and the art considering what happened to Jean’s character in the end. And then I suddenly remembered actual people not merely surviving but actually living in this world for art! I guess the flaw with both their characters in the movie was them not doing what actual people do. Dreamers make the world an awesome reality and I wish more people realized that. This is what makes artists, writers, philanthropists, scientists, and ordinary dreamers so important!

  • Anya N. May 2nd, 2014 5:00 PM

    Tavi, *sniffle*
    THank you! We love you and Rookie so much and it’s really, really amazing how special this site makes me feel, and how perfect every article matches up to whatever I’m going through. This was perfect. Thank you, and everyone on this site, for constantly being awesome and caring and there for each other.
    CURRENT MOOD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlRvE9dKWQc


  • goodgodlemon May 2nd, 2014 5:24 PM

    “That is one thing I have valued dearly about being a teenager: hating everything so much that love becomes a means of survival.”

    That is exactly how I have always felt. You’re an amazing writer. This reminds me of a quote from Everything is Illuminated:

    “Love itself became the object of her love. She loved herself in love, she loved loving love, as love loves loving, and was able, in that way, to reconcile herself with a world that fell so short of what she would have hoped for. It was not the world that was the great and saving lie, but her willingness to make it beautiful and fair, to live a once-removed life, in a world once-removed from the one in which everyone else seemed to exist.”

  • moon-brother May 3rd, 2014 1:11 PM

    Wow Tavi thx 4 making me cry

  • juyler May 4th, 2014 5:58 AM

    Tavi, thank you so much for this. Your words never fail to resonate me and I can only dream to write like you one day.

    I go to Rookie when I feel I can’t connect with anyone in “real life”, when I get scared for my future, when I’m sad and when I’m happy. Rookie never fails to make me realise I’m not the only teenager who experiences GIANT OUTBURSTS OF TEEN ANGST THAT HAS NOT LEFT FOR FOUR YEARS STRAIGHT, but also that I am not alone and my life may not be as big of a failure as I think it will be. I think that’s one of the best things about Rookie: that everyone can relate to your experiences and emotions, allowing a sense of together-ness through the hard and good times.

    Thank you.x

  • Paola May 4th, 2014 7:19 PM

    100% LIFE GAME-CHANGER FOR ME: “It’s not just about killing it 24/7 and Coming For Yr Job and being, like, empowering and kick-ass, or about wanting people to find that they are strong in simply a Robyn/CEO way, but letting people be strong human beings who can fully know and love themselves enough to extend that feeling to the world and populate our earth with good friendships, meaningful art, and stuff to make us all laugh.”

  • Kiana Kimberly Flores May 5th, 2014 7:28 AM

    Wow. My heart is bursting with so much life love right now. Thank you, Tavi. That last paragraph completed the unbecoming of my emotions. I love you, I love Rookie, and all the people that come along with this. There’s so much love I think I’m buying pizza. ♥

  • chelcsmiles May 6th, 2014 3:23 AM

    Tavi u are amazeballs <333

  • Joyce May 6th, 2014 3:32 AM

    this one’s really emotional. Rookie = Together

  • Mae85 May 6th, 2014 5:22 AM

    My heart burst with joy a thousand times while reading this.

    I remember feeling so sad about a breakup that he and I had both agreed to, and in the midst of feeling so sad, feeling so happy that I could feel the kind of sadness that heartbreak causes because that meant that I’d experienced love! And then all of the sudden love songs made sense to me, and rom coms didn’t seem so horribly cheesy anymore. Just the opposite, the cheesy parts were the best parts because they played off stereotypes that reminded me of that time he and I had re-enacted the scene from Armageddon where Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck are lying in the grass by the space station and he makes animal crackers crawl up her stomach. But we’d totally not done it on purpose and when we realized it we died laughing because love makes people silly and giggly…

    This space that you’ve created online and in the yearbooks is sacred and so necessary!

  • yesknope May 6th, 2014 2:22 PM

    i was just broken up with by my first love and i’ve been sitting at home in a funk for a while. after reading your article i wrote a diary entry for the first time in years. i’m about to clean my room. tomorrow i’m meeting a friend for lunch, and then researching where i would be best suited to volunteer in my area. i’m a badass and this is down to me, but you’ve helped me a whooole lot. thank you tavi. <3

  • pipertate May 9th, 2014 9:55 AM

    Thank you so, so much for sharing this part of yourself. It truly helped me this morning and was something I really needed.


  • lauraunicorns May 24th, 2014 12:46 AM

    SO beautiful and affirming and heart-filling. Rookie has become one of the biggest influences on my life, seriously. I love it and I lean on it and I learn from it and I need it. Thank you so much for bringing this art and wisdom and community into my life.


  • Lya May 29th, 2014 7:34 PM

    This is really beautiful, Tavi. The way you put your feelings into words, it is incredible.
    Rookie is important to me, since I discovered it. I needed something new, i needed advices, i needed something REAL. And I found it here on Rookie.
    I am happy to know this site exists and happy that your own site makes you as happy as it make us. This is important. And TOGETHER we are going to love, grow, learn, experience things and share it with the world <3

  • Gurl. May 30th, 2014 5:33 AM

    This was an such a great read. You are so wise, Tavi.
    I can really relate to your experience.
    I was in relationships for all of high school. It wasn’t until I started being alone again, once I started uni, that I began to see stuff again. I feel like I missed a huge part of adolescence. I was still sad, despite the relationships, but I never clung to those small things, because I didn’t think I needed to. I think appreciating the small stuff, and finding beauty and inspiration in the places you don’t expect is a fuel for creativity. It makes you compassionate. It makes you notice things and people. It’s makes you feel like a tiny dot on this tiny planet, but at the same time you feel so vital.