Live Through This

Carry On

Or, a detailed account of an obsession with/personal experience of death and life and stuff.


  • ray sims April 21st, 2014 3:16 PM

    esme this was so beautiful and heartfelt and so nice to read

  • queenofpineapples April 21st, 2014 3:57 PM

    This is so beautiful and relatable it made me tear up. I’ve been afraid of death since I can remember, but I think I’m finally getting over it and learning to accept it.

  • Margo April 21st, 2014 4:03 PM

    Esme, this might just be the best, most emotionally and aesthetically beautiful thing I’ve ever read on Rookie. I love this so much. The drawings are awesome and the message is heartwarming and incredible. <3

  • noquierodecir April 21st, 2014 4:11 PM

    This is INCREDIBLE. The best thing I’ve seen on Rookie in quite a while. Thanks so much for sharing and for leaving some questions unanswered, some stones unturned…

  • strawberryhair April 21st, 2014 4:17 PM

    This was so beautiful, Esme. Thank you so much for sharing it. Your grandpa sounds like an amazing person. X

  • Ting April 21st, 2014 4:18 PM

    Super insightful, and the comics are beautiful and so meaningful. I really enjoyed reading and looking a this.

  • amelia3 April 21st, 2014 4:22 PM

    I’m so sorry for your loss. This was a really beautiful description and it sounds like he would be awfully proud of you.

  • Iin April 21st, 2014 4:41 PM

    Hi, Esme are you like the cousin of Kaye Blegvad the artist based in Brooklyn?

  • Dylan April 21st, 2014 4:50 PM


  • tsingeli April 21st, 2014 5:03 PM

    thanks for sharing, esme, this is seriously the best comic ever posted on rookie. reminds me a lot of persepolis in style of storytelling and narration.

    • strawberryhair April 22nd, 2014 3:55 AM

      It reminded me of Persepolis too!

  • katrinaandthediamonds April 21st, 2014 5:10 PM

    This was really beautiful and honest. Thank you for sharing this.

  • Nobre April 21st, 2014 5:15 PM

    He’s with you

  • ranjsol April 21st, 2014 5:35 PM

    you made me cry my eyes out
    i just kept so much time thinking about it and the idea still creeps me out
    i just love existing even when it sucks
    and i don’t want anyone to die and i just have this image of every being being happy and existing and breathing forever and death singing with us but not taking anyone away but as much as this theme upsets me the comic made me feel nervous in a new beautiful way i guess

    Thank you for sharing this. and your grandpa seems like an awesome dude

  • K8 is Gr8 April 21st, 2014 5:48 PM

    Esme, I am so sorry about your grandfather. I know that this doesn’t really help right now, but I hope that one day you’ll be able to look back on purely happy memories.

    This comic was the perfect mix of funny and sweet and relatable and ugh I love it.

    Feel better, hon. Erik sounds like an amazing person. XO

  • April 21st, 2014 7:06 PM

    this was beautiful.

  • sophiethewitch April 21st, 2014 7:09 PM

    I love Esme’s father in this comic.

  • shelley April 21st, 2014 7:41 PM

    I cried so much! But sometimes it’s good to face your fears and have a good cry.
    Thank you Esme

  • Ally_O April 21st, 2014 7:43 PM

    This is really beautiful.
    That is all.

  • mimsydeux April 21st, 2014 8:23 PM

    Esme, this is achingly beautiful. Thank you. I lost my grandfather in June last year and I was away at college for much of the time leading up to his death. He was Jewish and I took great comfort in knowing he felt comfortable in the continuation of his spiritual journey. I found the ritualistic aspects of Judaism very soothing in my time of grief. It’s been very cathartic to read about your own experience. And your sketch of the Paris rooftops is something else. <3

  • Rose April 21st, 2014 8:24 PM


  • thelittlewolf April 21st, 2014 8:49 PM

    I’m 25 years old and still terrified of death. It’s something I have to work on, but this comic actually really did help me feel better. My grandpa actually just passed away last week. We weren’t intensely close, but I did love him, and it seems like every Rookie article is posted at just the perfect time in my life. It was really great to read : )

  • starsinyourheart April 21st, 2014 8:49 PM

    you actually made me cry, this is lovely

  • honorarygilmoregal April 21st, 2014 10:21 PM

    Esme, this was amazing. Your drawing skills are incredible as always, and such an emotional and thought-provoking story!

  • April 21st, 2014 10:53 PM

    This really hit close to home. I cried at the thought of my mother dying when I was 7. Since, I have harbored the fear of losing loved ones too soon. This was really beautiful, and I am sorry for your loss Esme. <3

  • Ozma April 21st, 2014 11:16 PM

    This was really beautiful and powerful and somehow it helped a lot with my own fear of dying and of losing my loved ones (I too was raised by two atheists). Thank you!

  • painting_the_roses_pink April 21st, 2014 11:27 PM

    This comic came at the exact perfect time. I was revising my feelings of confusion about the boy who was my “first kiss” dying. Like cried over that but not when my aunt or grand parents died? And I can never just check back up on him when we’re 30 nd see he has a wife and kids. And hes dead forever and ever and I guess I figured my first kiss would live forever??

    Anyway, thank you for this comic it is 10/10 wonderfully constructed and the topic nd your illustrations yes.

  • atticus April 21st, 2014 11:51 PM

    thank you for helping come to terms with my sick and lovely grandmother <3

  • Cynthia April 22nd, 2014 12:52 AM

    esme, this is such a beautiful and wonderfully written comic. i couldn’t stop reading, and it reminded me that loss and life, no matter how difficult those experiences may be, aren’t always a gloomy event x

  • madughlyn April 22nd, 2014 1:01 AM

    This could not have come at a better time. Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s absolutely beautiful.

  • FlaG April 22nd, 2014 3:03 AM

    Also having an existentialist moment here: agonising about the point of life and why I even bother trying to do anything if it’s not going have any impact on anyone and we’re all just going to die anyway. It comes and goes. Hopefully it goes away again soon.

    Your narrative was so lovely. Erik sounded like such a lovely chap. I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you will eventually find peace and acceptance.

    Also, I watched the Malaysian GP as well! BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH WAS THERE OMG.

  • mangomilk April 22nd, 2014 9:37 AM

    Wow, this was absolutely beautiful, and perfectly on time in my life as well. After just visiting the Holocaust Museum, for the past few days it seems that all I can think about is death and mortality. This comic eased my mind in the most therapeutic way possible. Im so sorry for your loss, and thank you so much.

  • Elyssa Morley April 22nd, 2014 2:34 PM

    So lovely, wonderfully done. Your loss is felt and related to. Thanks so much for making this, Esme.

  • JennaF April 22nd, 2014 5:22 PM

    This is amazing. And amazingly perfect that you made it with his watercolors.

  • rhymeswithorange April 22nd, 2014 5:43 PM

    Super great!! Thanks

  • MinaM8 April 23rd, 2014 8:51 AM

    This was incredibly beautiful and so accurate…

  • isthismimi April 23rd, 2014 9:44 AM

    ahhh so lovely! Thanks for sharing esme!

  • carolynmin April 23rd, 2014 3:58 PM

    Wow Esme this was incredible and it completely blew me away. Your honesty and poignancy made this so beautiful

  • Naomi Morris April 23rd, 2014 4:22 PM

    echoing everybody else – this whole thing was so compelling and mesmerising esme!!

  • pasteldaisies April 23rd, 2014 10:11 PM

    Esme, this is so beautiful and perfectly expressed and touching and felt hopeful in its own special way (i read this in the middle of class and i had to shield my face and will myself not to cry…) Thank you for this. I’ll be thinking about it and coming back to it for a long time.

  • gruenkind April 24th, 2014 3:46 AM

    thank you so much! reminded me of so many things…

  • neenah April 26th, 2014 2:55 PM

    This was a wonderful read! It made me miss my departed Grandpa (“Burke”) so much. Like Esme, I missed the opportunity to say goodbye to Burke before he died, but the end wasn’t pretty and my mother told me that it was better that I have the pictures in my head of him alive and well, rather than dying. I know she’s right, but it still made me sad and mad to miss the chance to say goodbye in person.
    Thank you Esme, for such a beautiful, heartfelt piece!

  • wallflower152 May 6th, 2014 10:45 PM

    *still catching up on Rookie posts*

    Esme, just wanted to say this was beautiful. You’re a talented illustrator and storyteller. You really “painted a lovely picture” of Erik, I felt like I got to know him in just 10 slides. You’re a lucky girl to have had him in your life. We should all be grateful for the old people (and just people in general) in our lives.


  • Glenny May 22nd, 2014 2:22 PM

    This is so great, and I haven’t even finished it yet. Feeling so many typsa ways. I wish I could download.

    Keep on bleeding into your pen.

  • Glenny May 22nd, 2014 2:41 PM

    My response to entire comic: Yea dude word I mean I totally hear dat.