esme this was so beautiful and heartfelt and so nice to read
queenofpineapplesApril 21st, 20143:57 PM
This is so beautiful and relatable it made me tear up. I’ve been afraid of death since I can remember, but I think I’m finally getting over it and learning to accept it.
MargoApril 21st, 20144:03 PM
Esme, this might just be the best, most emotionally and aesthetically beautiful thing I’ve ever read on Rookie. I love this so much. The drawings are awesome and the message is heartwarming and incredible. <3
noquierodecirApril 21st, 20144:11 PM
This is INCREDIBLE. The best thing I’ve seen on Rookie in quite a while. Thanks so much for sharing and for leaving some questions unanswered, some stones unturned…
strawberryhairApril 21st, 20144:17 PM
This was so beautiful, Esme. Thank you so much for sharing it. Your grandpa sounds like an amazing person. X
TingApril 21st, 20144:18 PM
Super insightful, and the comics are beautiful and so meaningful. I really enjoyed reading and looking a this.
amelia3April 21st, 20144:22 PM
I’m so sorry for your loss. This was a really beautiful description and it sounds like he would be awfully proud of you.
IinApril 21st, 20144:41 PM
Hi, Esme are you like the cousin of Kaye Blegvad the artist based in Brooklyn?
Dylan Tupper RupertApril 21st, 20144:50 PM
BLEW ME AWAY
tsingeliApril 21st, 20145:03 PM
thanks for sharing, esme, this is seriously the best comic ever posted on rookie. reminds me a lot of persepolis in style of storytelling and narration.
strawberryhairApril 22nd, 20143:55 AM
It reminded me of Persepolis too!
katrinaandthediamondsApril 21st, 20145:10 PM
This was really beautiful and honest. Thank you for sharing this.
NobreApril 21st, 20145:15 PM
He’s with you
ranjsolApril 21st, 20145:35 PM
you made me cry my eyes out
i just kept so much time thinking about it and the idea still creeps me out
i just love existing even when it sucks
and i don’t want anyone to die and i just have this image of every being being happy and existing and breathing forever and death singing with us but not taking anyone away but as much as this theme upsets me the comic made me feel nervous in a new beautiful way i guess
Thank you for sharing this. and your grandpa seems like an awesome dude
K8 is Gr8April 21st, 20145:48 PM
Esme, I am so sorry about your grandfather. I know that this doesn’t really help right now, but I hope that one day you’ll be able to look back on purely happy memories.
This comic was the perfect mix of funny and sweet and relatable and ugh I love it.
Feel better, hon. Erik sounds like an amazing person. XO
April 21st, 20147:06 PM
this was beautiful.
sophiethewitchApril 21st, 20147:09 PM
I love Esme’s father in this comic.
shelleyApril 21st, 20147:41 PM
I cried so much! But sometimes it’s good to face your fears and have a good cry.
Thank you Esme
Ally_OApril 21st, 20147:43 PM
This is really beautiful.
That is all.
mimsydeuxApril 21st, 20148:23 PM
Esme, this is achingly beautiful. Thank you. I lost my grandfather in June last year and I was away at college for much of the time leading up to his death. He was Jewish and I took great comfort in knowing he felt comfortable in the continuation of his spiritual journey. I found the ritualistic aspects of Judaism very soothing in my time of grief. It’s been very cathartic to read about your own experience. And your sketch of the Paris rooftops is something else. <3
Rose Lichter-MarckApril 21st, 20148:24 PM
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!
thelittlewolfApril 21st, 20148:49 PM
I’m 25 years old and still terrified of death. It’s something I have to work on, but this comic actually really did help me feel better. My grandpa actually just passed away last week. We weren’t intensely close, but I did love him, and it seems like every Rookie article is posted at just the perfect time in my life. It was really great to read : )
starsinyourheartApril 21st, 20148:49 PM
you actually made me cry, this is lovely
honorarygilmoregalApril 21st, 201410:21 PM
Esme, this was amazing. Your drawing skills are incredible as always, and such an emotional and thought-provoking story!
April 21st, 201410:53 PM
This really hit close to home. I cried at the thought of my mother dying when I was 7. Since, I have harbored the fear of losing loved ones too soon. This was really beautiful, and I am sorry for your loss Esme. <3
OzmaApril 21st, 201411:16 PM
This was really beautiful and powerful and somehow it helped a lot with my own fear of dying and of losing my loved ones (I too was raised by two atheists). Thank you!
painting_the_roses_pinkApril 21st, 201411:27 PM
This comic came at the exact perfect time. I was revising my feelings of confusion about the boy who was my “first kiss” dying. Like cried over that but not when my aunt or grand parents died? And I can never just check back up on him when we’re 30 nd see he has a wife and kids. And hes dead forever and ever and I guess I figured my first kiss would live forever??
Anyway, thank you for this comic it is 10/10 wonderfully constructed and the topic nd your illustrations yes.
atticusApril 21st, 201411:51 PM
thank you for helping come to terms with my sick and lovely grandmother <3
Cynthia MerhejApril 22nd, 201412:52 AM
esme, this is such a beautiful and wonderfully written comic. i couldn’t stop reading, and it reminded me that loss and life, no matter how difficult those experiences may be, aren’t always a gloomy event x
madughlynApril 22nd, 20141:01 AM
This could not have come at a better time. Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s absolutely beautiful.
FlaGApril 22nd, 20143:03 AM
Also having an existentialist moment here: agonising about the point of life and why I even bother trying to do anything if it’s not going have any impact on anyone and we’re all just going to die anyway. It comes and goes. Hopefully it goes away again soon.
Your narrative was so lovely. Erik sounded like such a lovely chap. I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you will eventually find peace and acceptance.
Also, I watched the Malaysian GP as well! BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH WAS THERE OMG.
mangomilkApril 22nd, 20149:37 AM
Wow, this was absolutely beautiful, and perfectly on time in my life as well. After just visiting the Holocaust Museum, for the past few days it seems that all I can think about is death and mortality. This comic eased my mind in the most therapeutic way possible. Im so sorry for your loss, and thank you so much.
Elyssa MorleyApril 22nd, 20142:34 PM
So lovely, wonderfully done. Your loss is felt and related to. Thanks so much for making this, Esme.
JennaFApril 22nd, 20145:22 PM
This is amazing. And amazingly perfect that you made it with his watercolors.
rhymeswithorangeApril 22nd, 20145:43 PM
Super great!! Thanks
MinaM8April 23rd, 20148:51 AM
This was incredibly beautiful and so accurate…
isthismimiApril 23rd, 20149:44 AM
ahhh so lovely! Thanks for sharing esme!
carolynminApril 23rd, 20143:58 PM
Wow Esme this was incredible and it completely blew me away. Your honesty and poignancy made this so beautiful
Naomi MorrisApril 23rd, 20144:22 PM
echoing everybody else – this whole thing was so compelling and mesmerising esme!!
pasteldaisiesApril 23rd, 201410:11 PM
Esme, this is so beautiful and perfectly expressed and touching and felt hopeful in its own special way (i read this in the middle of class and i had to shield my face and will myself not to cry…) Thank you for this. I’ll be thinking about it and coming back to it for a long time.
gruenkindApril 24th, 20143:46 AM
thank you so much! reminded me of so many things…
neenahApril 26th, 20142:55 PM
This was a wonderful read! It made me miss my departed Grandpa (“Burke”) so much. Like Esme, I missed the opportunity to say goodbye to Burke before he died, but the end wasn’t pretty and my mother told me that it was better that I have the pictures in my head of him alive and well, rather than dying. I know she’s right, but it still made me sad and mad to miss the chance to say goodbye in person.
Thank you Esme, for such a beautiful, heartfelt piece!
wallflower152May 6th, 201410:45 PM
*still catching up on Rookie posts*
Esme, just wanted to say this was beautiful. You’re a talented illustrator and storyteller. You really “painted a lovely picture” of Erik, I felt like I got to know him in just 10 slides. You’re a lucky girl to have had him in your life. We should all be grateful for the old people (and just people in general) in our lives.
<3
GlennyMay 22nd, 20142:22 PM
This is so great, and I haven’t even finished it yet. Feeling so many typsa ways. I wish I could download.
Keep on bleeding into your pen.
GlennyMay 22nd, 20142:41 PM
My response to entire comic: Yea dude word I mean I totally hear dat.
Rookie is no longer publishing new content, but we hope you'll continue to enjoy the archives, or books, and the community you've helped to create. Thank you for seven very special years! ✴
About Rookie
Rookie is an online magazine and book series for teenagers. Each month, a different editorial theme drives the writing, photography, and artwork that we publish. Learn more about us here, and find out how to submit your work here!
45 Comments
esme this was so beautiful and heartfelt and so nice to read
This is so beautiful and relatable it made me tear up. I’ve been afraid of death since I can remember, but I think I’m finally getting over it and learning to accept it.
Esme, this might just be the best, most emotionally and aesthetically beautiful thing I’ve ever read on Rookie. I love this so much. The drawings are awesome and the message is heartwarming and incredible. <3
This is INCREDIBLE. The best thing I’ve seen on Rookie in quite a while. Thanks so much for sharing and for leaving some questions unanswered, some stones unturned…
This was so beautiful, Esme. Thank you so much for sharing it. Your grandpa sounds like an amazing person. X
Super insightful, and the comics are beautiful and so meaningful. I really enjoyed reading and looking a this.
I’m so sorry for your loss. This was a really beautiful description and it sounds like he would be awfully proud of you.
Hi, Esme are you like the cousin of Kaye Blegvad the artist based in Brooklyn?
BLEW ME AWAY
thanks for sharing, esme, this is seriously the best comic ever posted on rookie. reminds me a lot of persepolis in style of storytelling and narration.
It reminded me of Persepolis too!
This was really beautiful and honest. Thank you for sharing this.
He’s with you
you made me cry my eyes out
i just kept so much time thinking about it and the idea still creeps me out
i just love existing even when it sucks
and i don’t want anyone to die and i just have this image of every being being happy and existing and breathing forever and death singing with us but not taking anyone away but as much as this theme upsets me the comic made me feel nervous in a new beautiful way i guess
Thank you for sharing this. and your grandpa seems like an awesome dude
Esme, I am so sorry about your grandfather. I know that this doesn’t really help right now, but I hope that one day you’ll be able to look back on purely happy memories.
This comic was the perfect mix of funny and sweet and relatable and ugh I love it.
Feel better, hon. Erik sounds like an amazing person. XO
this was beautiful.
I love Esme’s father in this comic.
I cried so much! But sometimes it’s good to face your fears and have a good cry.
Thank you Esme
This is really beautiful.
That is all.
Esme, this is achingly beautiful. Thank you. I lost my grandfather in June last year and I was away at college for much of the time leading up to his death. He was Jewish and I took great comfort in knowing he felt comfortable in the continuation of his spiritual journey. I found the ritualistic aspects of Judaism very soothing in my time of grief. It’s been very cathartic to read about your own experience. And your sketch of the Paris rooftops is something else. <3
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH!
I’m 25 years old and still terrified of death. It’s something I have to work on, but this comic actually really did help me feel better. My grandpa actually just passed away last week. We weren’t intensely close, but I did love him, and it seems like every Rookie article is posted at just the perfect time in my life. It was really great to read : )
you actually made me cry, this is lovely
Esme, this was amazing. Your drawing skills are incredible as always, and such an emotional and thought-provoking story!
This really hit close to home. I cried at the thought of my mother dying when I was 7. Since, I have harbored the fear of losing loved ones too soon. This was really beautiful, and I am sorry for your loss Esme. <3
This was really beautiful and powerful and somehow it helped a lot with my own fear of dying and of losing my loved ones (I too was raised by two atheists). Thank you!
This comic came at the exact perfect time. I was revising my feelings of confusion about the boy who was my “first kiss” dying. Like cried over that but not when my aunt or grand parents died? And I can never just check back up on him when we’re 30 nd see he has a wife and kids. And hes dead forever and ever and I guess I figured my first kiss would live forever??
Anyway, thank you for this comic it is 10/10 wonderfully constructed and the topic nd your illustrations yes.
thank you for helping come to terms with my sick and lovely grandmother <3
esme, this is such a beautiful and wonderfully written comic. i couldn’t stop reading, and it reminded me that loss and life, no matter how difficult those experiences may be, aren’t always a gloomy event x
This could not have come at a better time. Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s absolutely beautiful.
Also having an existentialist moment here: agonising about the point of life and why I even bother trying to do anything if it’s not going have any impact on anyone and we’re all just going to die anyway. It comes and goes. Hopefully it goes away again soon.
Your narrative was so lovely. Erik sounded like such a lovely chap. I am sorry for your loss, and I hope you will eventually find peace and acceptance.
Also, I watched the Malaysian GP as well! BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH WAS THERE OMG.
Wow, this was absolutely beautiful, and perfectly on time in my life as well. After just visiting the Holocaust Museum, for the past few days it seems that all I can think about is death and mortality. This comic eased my mind in the most therapeutic way possible. Im so sorry for your loss, and thank you so much.
So lovely, wonderfully done. Your loss is felt and related to. Thanks so much for making this, Esme.
This is amazing. And amazingly perfect that you made it with his watercolors.
Super great!! Thanks
This was incredibly beautiful and so accurate…
ahhh so lovely! Thanks for sharing esme!
Wow Esme this was incredible and it completely blew me away. Your honesty and poignancy made this so beautiful
echoing everybody else – this whole thing was so compelling and mesmerising esme!!
Esme, this is so beautiful and perfectly expressed and touching and felt hopeful in its own special way (i read this in the middle of class and i had to shield my face and will myself not to cry…) Thank you for this. I’ll be thinking about it and coming back to it for a long time.
thank you so much! reminded me of so many things…
This was a wonderful read! It made me miss my departed Grandpa (“Burke”) so much. Like Esme, I missed the opportunity to say goodbye to Burke before he died, but the end wasn’t pretty and my mother told me that it was better that I have the pictures in my head of him alive and well, rather than dying. I know she’s right, but it still made me sad and mad to miss the chance to say goodbye in person.
Thank you Esme, for such a beautiful, heartfelt piece!
*still catching up on Rookie posts*
Esme, just wanted to say this was beautiful. You’re a talented illustrator and storyteller. You really “painted a lovely picture” of Erik, I felt like I got to know him in just 10 slides. You’re a lucky girl to have had him in your life. We should all be grateful for the old people (and just people in general) in our lives.
<3
This is so great, and I haven’t even finished it yet. Feeling so many typsa ways. I wish I could download.
Keep on bleeding into your pen.
My response to entire comic: Yea dude word I mean I totally hear dat.