Dear Diary

April 30, 2014

Nothing lasts forever.

Britney

I stare at the broken pieces of my Walkman in my hand, the small wires running into the indents of my palms. It was one of the few things I found pleasure in, that gave my time some kind of purpose, and I didn’t know until it was gone and a piece of me left with it. This is what becomes of almost everything in my life, material or otherwise.

The things I want are simple, but I can never have them for very long. I cannot ultimately live up to the unspoken standards of those I love. Things I love are always destroyed. And yet, masochistic as I know it is, I keep thinking that this new thing will last and guarding every spark of happiness, hoping it will grow before it’s snuffed out.

There are 10 more weeks of school. This should matter to me, I know it should, but I can’t find it in myself to care. I’m a prisoner in my jail cell of a body, awaiting a verdict from some unknown court.

I don’t want to hurt anyone. All of the anger I’ve ever had has been sown by the outside world. I just want to write, and make music, and watch and listen to everything and everyone that I hold close to me. ♦

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10 Comments

  • atticus April 30th, 2014 8:34 PM

    The link for Ruby’s article is broken – it takes me to Britney’s article

    • Anaheed April 30th, 2014 8:43 PM

      Oops! Fixing it now. Thank you!

  • internalbeautyx April 30th, 2014 10:16 PM

    Lovely diaries, everyone.

  • honorarygilmoregal May 1st, 2014 12:55 AM

    I wish I could take all you diarists and wrap you up in a big hug. <3

  • erinxo May 1st, 2014 2:22 AM

    Marah – I feel the exact same way as you about my mother and my dad died 14 years ago. I wish I could say it got better but it honestly didn’t. She is not present in our conversations and doesn’t care about my feelings or what I have to say. Last night I tried to share something personal with her but I could tell she didn’t care so I just stopped and left the room; I’m almost positive she didn’t even notice. As you said of your mother, she is a body without a soul.

  • indaslicht May 1st, 2014 5:17 PM

    is it possible to read the arabic version of marah’s entries? i’m curious to see how she writes without the translation

  • mokgadi May 2nd, 2014 6:52 AM

    Love to all of you <3

  • dragonfly May 3rd, 2014 12:22 AM

    I love you guys <3

  • VagabondZombie May 3rd, 2014 6:11 AM

    “There are 10 more weeks of school. This should matter to me, I know it should, but I can’t find it in myself to care. I’m a prisoner in my jail cell of a body, awaiting a verdict from some unknown court.”

    Britney, I feel the same way.

    http://vagabondzombie.blogspot.ae/

  • LvavaL May 4th, 2014 5:14 PM

    Wow, Marah’s entry.

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