Dear Diary

April 16, 2014

New diarist! New diarist!! New diarist!!!

Ruby

Boxy hospital clothes.

“Why did you take the Advil?”

“Cramps.”

It smells like hand sanitizer. The generic hospital kind.

I think about David, the homeless man with all the cross necklaces around his neck, the same clothes and white hair every day, the limp and the twitch, the leathery hands that hand me what he thinks is the $2.47 in change to buy a large iced coffee with chocolate, caramel, mocha, and coconut shots, cream, and two sugars.

He doesn’t hand me quite enough. I reach into my pocket and add what I find to the fistful of nickels.

My co-workers hate him because he’s mentally unstable. They think he’s dangerous. But he’s never hurt anyone as far as any of us know. He comes in, says please and thank you, asks if he’s allowed to sit inside, and doesn’t bother anybody.

I get blood drawn a couple times and feel a little dizzy. I pee in a cup. Stickers are stuck all over my chest and legs and attached to wires that make a machine beep behind me. A blood pressure thing is put around my arm at least five times.

David doesn’t want to hurt anyone. He wants me to teach him about DDPerks and how to use a computer.

I just had some abdominal cramps. ♦

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23 Comments

  • netraasmiles April 16th, 2014 7:09 PM

    AHH HELLO MARAH!! I love that Rookie’s taking the initiative to truly bring to the light what’s happening in Syria, especially from the point of view of a teenage girl! Sometimes, I feel like the news broadcasts and dramatic headlines only focus on the facts, never the effects, so I’m super excited to see what’s to come (also, Ruby, Naomi, Britney, and Caitlin, how are ya’ll always able to eloquently convey everything I’m feeling? Like, are ya’ll X-Men or something)

    • Ella W April 16th, 2014 8:28 PM

      ^^^^I agree with everything above^^^^

  • shake_that_speare April 16th, 2014 7:23 PM

    I loved all of these but Marah’s one especially gave me chills. I wish there was more the rest of us could do.

  • I.ila April 16th, 2014 7:29 PM

    That was very powerful Marah. Thank you for offering up your words and feelings.

  • K8 is Gr8 April 16th, 2014 8:05 PM

    Marah. Wow. First of all, you are an amazing writer. Second, thank you. Having someone (around) my age write about this subject really put it in perspective for me. “Is it not a child’s right to have an apple, a banana, or a small piece of candy?” I have taken my apple, my banana, my candy for granted my entire life, but if I could send them (and other things) to you and Syria right now, I would in a heartbeat.

    And Ruby! I hope you feel better soon, sweetie. And I hope your coworkers warm up to David soon. I absolutely love your entries and you (even if I don’t know you in person.)

  • cleobea April 16th, 2014 8:36 PM

    MARAH IS THE NEW ANNE FRANK! Except her story will have a happy ending, I hope.
    Caitlin you are too too cute! I love the pictures, and I totally felt it.

  • die_mad April 16th, 2014 10:47 PM

    Welcome to Rookie Marah! I’m so excited to get to know you! I can’t wait to hear your life stories.

    Caitlin, your pictures wow me every time.
    Ruby, for some reason, I’ve always felt so connected to you. Your writing speaks to me. (I hope that doesn’t sound creepy or like I’m trying to say ‘I understand you’, it’s just simply that I feel a connection)
    Britney, I’m so glad to hear you’re coming into your own, you deserve to feel alive and happy.
    Happy Birthday Naomi!!!! Make your 20th year the best and happiest yet!

  • Amy Rose April 17th, 2014 12:51 AM

    MARAH. I am so happy to have you here, my love.

  • Dylan April 17th, 2014 12:59 AM

    HI MARAH!

  • Amy Jackson April 17th, 2014 6:42 AM

    I always enjoy these posts, but Marah’s was heartbreaking. Marah, you’re such a talented writer, and I feel so powerless. That saddens me-being unsure how I can help stop this.

  • ruby April 17th, 2014 7:12 AM

    Marah, thankyou so much for sharing your story here! It is so important that stories like yours get heard.

  • victoria April 17th, 2014 9:01 AM

    thank you, Rookie, for giving girls like Marah a space and a voice.

  • Isabella Sophia April 17th, 2014 10:10 AM

    Thank you so much Marah. Your entry has been very insightful to a reality I could never truly comprehend, as I thankfully have never been exposed to it. I’m so glad to see Rookie working with Syria Deeply, and just want to find a way to help. We can all write ‘I wish I could do something’ but we can, we just have to figure it out. Obviously, we alone aren’t going to solve the crisis but while its still ongoing there must be something we can do to help the people it is affecting.

  • Anaheed April 17th, 2014 12:36 PM

    To everyone asking how you can help, when we interviewed Lara Setrakian from Syria Deeply back in February, she recommended three organizations to contribute to, volunteer with, or fundraise for: Save the Children, MercyCorps, and UNICEF.

  • April 17th, 2014 4:36 PM

    As I was reading Marah’s words, my first reaction was guilt. I felt hugely guilty that I have the luxury to spend my afternoons reading Rookie and pondering stuff about ~life~ and ~being a girl~ when there are people just like me in other parts of the world who are struggling just to stay alive. Afterwards, I realised that I shouldn’t feel guilty, but grateful: a) for the opportunities granted to those of us lucky enough to be living in peaceful countries; b) that Rookie is an inclusive space where people like Marah can have a voice just like the rest of us.

    Marah, thank you for sharing your story. I can’t wait to hear more from you.

  • Shannon April 17th, 2014 5:55 PM

    Welcome, Marah!!!!!

  • Anaheed April 17th, 2014 7:02 PM

    Thank you for all of your lovely comments, you guys. They are being translated into Arabic and sent to Marah as we speak.

  • ColoredSoft April 17th, 2014 9:25 PM

    Welcome to Rookie, Marah <3 Thank you for being so open with your story…I want to hold the ones I love closer. I want to figure out a way to help?

  • irismonster April 18th, 2014 2:08 AM

    Marah’s post made me cry. I feel very frustrated with issues like this, because it is so hard for me to understand what things must be like there, and how can I help if I can’t understand? I think that work like this is hugely helpful, and that finding out what daily life is like for a Syrian like me can really change the perspective. Thank you, Rookie and Marah.

  • Elsary April 19th, 2014 3:42 PM

    Marah, wow. You are really talented writer, and you describe the horror and sorrow amazingly. I could see all the things in front of my eyes. As many have said, it’s great to have someone around my age to tell about things like this. Try to remember the good, old-fashioned spring days with birds singing, and remember that we care about you and wish you all the luck in the world!

    And you others, Caitlin, Ruby, Naomi, Britney, big ball of luck to y’all too! Keep inspiring us <3

  • elektraheart April 19th, 2014 8:36 PM

    I love your writing, Marah. It will get better. We love you. You’re amazing, Marah!

  • Cynthia April 19th, 2014 11:32 PM

    marah, thank you for sharing your story and rookie, thank you for existing.

  • Monica B April 26th, 2014 7:48 PM

    Hey Marah, welcome.

    Ruby — Everytime I see you are back in the hospital, I feel helpless. Please, try your hardest to remember that you have friends here (some who comment, some who don’t) who admire you and think you are an amazing writer, as you have proved time and time again. Let that be a thought of comfort amid the uncomfortable thoughts.

    Yours,
    Monica