I cannot tell who or what is at the root of my problem—the problem that seems to repeat itself like a train stuck on an endless loop. The majority of things in my life end up boring me, and that is terrifying. What will happen to me when one day I don’t have school to keep me grounded, to provide almost everything and everyone in my life that matters? I can’t tell if there is something wrong with me. It always feels like there is. I feel like I can almost never find satisfaction from just one area of life yet I do not have the drive to do everything that I need and want to.
I am either always complaining or suppressing, overworking myself or not doing what I need to. Everything is too confusing or too meta or too bland for me to invest myself. I don’t want this perpetual disconnect from the world. ♦