Dear Diary

February 12, 2014

Inside voices.

Britney

Introspection is getting more and more difficult. I collect other people and places and use them to make myself feel more whole, so that I can talk about myself. If that sounds convoluted, it is, and every time I do it I feel more muddled. I’ve entered this new state where I can’t write about myself or talk about myself without quoting outside sources. I am too analytical about everything, and this marks the shift that I have long been afraid of—when I’d finally close myself off from not only everyone else but also even myself.

I have a lot of thoughts about all of this but they all contradict one another and it’s hell to try to sort them out. I don’t know how to go back to that time when I could talk or write about myself as easily as talking/writing about other people. ♦

Page

1 2 3 4

8 Comments

  • mangointhesky February 12th, 2014 7:10 PM

    These were all so perfect.

    http://theconfettireport.blogspot.com

  • honorarygilmoregal February 12th, 2014 9:51 PM

    Oh Naomi, I’m happy that you’re having fun right now. :)

    http://perkstobeinginfinite.tumblr.com

  • aaaannnnaaaaaaa February 13th, 2014 10:50 AM

    love Caitlin’s entry

    • Anaheed February 13th, 2014 6:31 PM

      Me too, so much. She was worried that it was “too weird”!

  • Ella W February 13th, 2014 3:36 PM

    I always love Caitlin’s artwork!

  • hannahandyes February 13th, 2014 10:53 PM

    Oh Britney. How I feel you. I was in that place recently and it’s a daily battle to keep myself from falling back into it. I hope things get better for you. I hope you can relate to yourself again soon.

  • emlyb February 14th, 2014 11:31 AM

    Naomi i need to tell just how much i relate to you and how similar we are and how you make me feel a little less alone – i too got bad M.E at about 11/12 and have been completely out of school ever since (i am almost 15 now jesus) and completely cut myself off from everything and retreated into isolation. my mental health began to deteriorate and i began to self harm (i’m long clean though) and got bad depression and anxiety (esp. social) and body dysmorphia and eating issues, all of which i still have. most of the time i am virtually a recluse – i don’t leave the house unless absolutely necessary and i don’t see anyone or have friends. recently i have got better about pushing myself and accepting things though, but as you probably know with M.E on top of things it isn’t that simple. i have no independence as i am completely reliant on my parents (embarrassingly so). they are my only friends. my mum and my brother also have M.E so i am kind of surrounded by illness.
    ANYWAY, i wanted to say how much i deeply, deeply appreciate your diary entries, they make me feel like i may not be so alone after all. sorry for the inappropriately long comment but i needed to thank you (and also release all of that stuff, apparently?).
    so thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. it is also SO encouraging to know how far you have come.
    p.s i am from england too! UNITE

  • wajihxh February 14th, 2014 2:56 PM

    lovely art