Introspection is getting more and more difficult. I collect other people and places and use them to make myself feel more whole, so that I can talk about myself. If that sounds convoluted, it is, and every time I do it I feel more muddled. I’ve entered this new state where I can’t write about myself or talk about myself without quoting outside sources. I am too analytical about everything, and this marks the shift that I have long been afraid of—when I’d finally close myself off from not only everyone else but also even myself.
I have a lot of thoughts about all of this but they all contradict one another and it’s hell to try to sort them out. I don’t know how to go back to that time when I could talk or write about myself as easily as talking/writing about other people. ♦