All illustrations by wolf pupy.

All illustrations by wolf pupy.

Wolf pupy, a mysterious denizen of Twitter who poses as a troublemaking baby animal sharing his innermost thoughts online, is basically a Rookie hero. His bizarro bons mots have been a daily source of inspiration and delight for many of us since Lola brought his account to our attention about a year ago. Since then, we have treated him as something of a prophet/oracle/role model. We may never know his true identity, but we DO know that he takes enormous pride in his hair:






has a cool, subversive sense of style:





and has just generally mastered the art of living life to the fullest:





We love him so much that Gabby even made Lola a wolf pupy–inspired plaque for her birthday! So you can imagine how outrageously stoked we were when the pupy tweeted at Lola one fine day last month, letting us know that he’s had his eye on us, too:



After some feverish back-and-forth tweeting and sniffing each other out, we sealed the deal, and wolfie submitted an article for our consideration: a guide to effective teenage livin’. Based on the knowledge he’s dropping here, we’re happy to confirm this bit of Twitter gossip:



Take it away, wolf pupy!


everyone knows the first step to becoming a teen girl is turning 13 on your birthday, but what happens next? proper well informed information on this very important time in a girl’s life is hard to find. what you want is advice and survival tips for growing up as a teen girl from someone who has the right knowledge and experience and that is me, wolf pupy.

i guess there is so much to learn when you grow as a teen girl. teen life is full of surprises, you never know what is around the corner. but you can be prepared. you may think that you have seen and done it all and know everything you need about the teen life, you are dead wrong. no offense but i think i know a lot about being a teen girl. here i have written out some important moments all of us teen girls should have at some point in the teen girl life and have also given you some ideas that will allow you to experience them to the fullest.

i. style

leaf

• you can put a leaf or grass in your hair to stand out from the other girls

• there are a lot of colors out there, why not pick one and make it your own? if you choose orange you could wear an orange sundress and make orange tic-tacs your signature candy

• brushing your hair with a hairbrush or brushing a pet’s hair (make sure your pet has hair before brushing it, a list of pets with hair should be available online)

• bubblegum scented shampoo, bubblegum scented candles, bubblegum scented perfume. if you are a fan of the smell of bubblegum you know what i am talking about.

• when you sense sequins are coming back in a big way

• why not wear a big sunflower hat

• having a temporary tattoo of a deadly shark near a temporary tattoo of a butterfly shows you enjoy strong imagery and believe anything is possible

• a ribbon in your hair could change looking good into looking really good
ii. school

sassy

• making a fake “license to be sassy” license with the school laminating machine and being sassy all the time

• once you are off school grounds school rules no longer apply

• do not at any point in your driver’s exam slam on the brakes, turn the car around, and speed home because you forgot to check your horoscope

• a cool prom theme would be “what if outer space was under water” i am just saying
iii. relationships

animal

• a good way to show that you are cool to a new group of people is to write “responsibilities” on a piece of paper and then throw it away

• having a pajama sleepover with your besties, listening to russian circles, and destroying a haunted stuffed animal with hammers

• sitting on some grass with friends

• pressing the right combination of buttons on a telephone and making a “call”

• that one friend named kelly or rachel

• girls who love dolphins vs. girls who love horses

• a big part of teen life is being young, having fun in the sun, the good times, going to parties with friends, and recognizing those situations from songs you have heard

• visiting the parrot at the pet store because you need to talk about boys

• the friendship breakup with the parrot at the pet store when it announces to everyone it has a crush on blaydin junior after you already told it you liked him

• that awkward few minutes when you are trying to show a friend something on the computer and “pics of boys driving a motor cycle in the mall” comes up in the search history

• having a celebrity crush is a good way to get your heart broken (john cusack…)
iv. fun

trex

• learn how to draw a t-rex, it’s impressive

• take a quiz to find out what gilmore girls character you are, the results may surprise you

• trying to figure out what clouds are

• finding out magic is real

• searching the web, for clues

• upgrading from plastic cups to glass

• accidentally putting your furby through the washing machine

• learn how to use the power of crystal energy to charge your phone

• ms paint is like a photoshop you can use for free

• bubble wands are an innovative way to make bubbles on the fly

• printing out a “wanted dead or alive” poster with your face on it can be funny but can also lead to dangerous cowboy situations

as you can see, being a teen girl is the coolest thing to be and it is possible to be a teen girl forever. i hope you have learned that the teen girl lifestyle isn’t just a stage in life but is also a state of mind. when times are tough let me tell you being a teen girl is way cooler than being an idiot boy who eats rocks for food and lives in the sand. i hope that i have helped you on your journey into the teen girl lifestyle. good luck. ♦

Wolf pupy is a wolf puppy. Follow him on Twitter here or Tumblr here.