When I asked her to name your best quality, Mary couldn’t narrow it down to just one. She said you’re incredibly loyal to your friends, and you’re always authentic and genuine—you find a way of rising above any drama to focus on the stuff that means something to you. I think that’s incredible.
That’s a nice way of putting it. I usually got labeled a bitch for that.
The way she put it was very nice, but “rising above it” basically means I call people out a lot on their BS, and I don’t really have time for some BS. I also don’t really say it nicely all the time. I just say it the way it comes to me. So I can be bitchy sometimes.
What are her best qualities?
The best quality is probably that she is the most creative person I know. And she is creative in so many ways! Like, she is that friend that always comes up with something to do. I remember one time I came over to Mary’s house and we finger-painted. Another time, last year, she was like, “I’m having a bunch of people over and we’re celebrating Shaq’s birthday.” Like, who comes up with that?
Shaq like Shaquille O’Neal?
Yeah, and she had me write and deliver a speech about him.
That is hilarious. Did you have to research him?
I do know this. This is so weird, but I literally just listened to a podcast yesterday where they were talking about him, so I suddenly and randomly know all this stuff about him. Like he, while he was in the NBA, decided to go back to college and get his degree.
Yes, I remember that!
I know! He did all this stuff, and I was like, “Go, Shaq!”
Shaquille O’Neal should serve as an inspiration for us all.
Definitely. Especially for me, because he proves you can be tall and be normal too!
[Laughs] As a short person, I have always wished I was tall.
Being tall is the worst.
You think that, but being short is also the worst.
True. It’s just that things are the worst.
Speaking of worsts, what’s Mary’s worst quality?
This is hard. OK, but you know how I said that “rising above it all” wasn’t necessarily the best quality for me? She’s like that too. She keeps it real, and sometimes it gets too real.
What have you learned from her?
I’ve been inspired by Mary’s creativity. She encourages me to be creative. I’m never gonna be as good at it as she is, but I have done a few creative things. Mary and I were both peer mentors in high school, and for Valentine’s Day, I made my kid a valentine where I, like, drew something. That was kind of a big deal. And then Mary had this club that she came up with at school, poster club, where she made posters for other clubs. I was a member of it, and I had to make a poster once by myself. And I did it, and it didn’t look terrible, and I was mad hyped. Also, I have this jar—it’s called my happy jar. I got the idea off of Tumblr. You get a Mason jar and decorate it and write down every good thing that happens to you during the year and put it in there. And then at the end of the year, you empty it out and read them all. And, like, instead of coloring a piece of paper and sticking it on the jar like I normally would, I tried to coll-aaaage.
I tried to do it like Mary would. It didn’t come out, like, awesome, but it came out well enough that I’m not embarrassed. I don’t have to hide the jar. But it wasn’t anything like what Mary does. She is really good at it.
That’s awesome! I mean, Mary has probably coll-aaaaged her whole life, so to compare your first attempt against her 5,000th one doesn’t seem fair.
Yeah. I’m more like, “OK, I’m gonna try this ONCE, and it better be good or I’m not gonna do it again.”
You are too hard on yourself, man.
It’s just because I want it to be good!
But, like, who cares? It’s not gonna be good at first. You should be like, “I’m gonna make a shitty collage today,” and then just do that. Then you can say you succeeded at making a shitty collage!
I have that coloring book called Coloring for Grown-Ups, and I do a shitty job of coloring [in it], and I’m proud.
That’s so great. I think you and I both probably need more projects like that. So ignore where I was talking like a wise elder or something just now, because I suck at that stuff, too.
Now, on to the Friendship Test! I’m gonna ask you the same questions I asked Mary, and then I’ll tell you what her answers were and we’ll see who got a better score. Ready? What is Mary’s favorite food?
I’m kinda tempted to say it’s mac and cheese, but I don’t know if that’s right.
Nope. It’s soup.
Soup? She just said soup?
Yeah. Every kind of soup.
That is totally not true, but whatever.
[Laughs] What’s her favorite TV show?
I know her classically favorite show was Friday Night Lights, but I think she’s been into Freaks and Geeks a lot recently.
Ding ding ding ding ding! You got that one right.
What is her favorite book?
Mary reads a LOT. It might be this one…do you know that show The Mindy Project?
That woman wrote a book, and I know Mary read it and I know Mary liked it, so I’m gonna go with that one.
Mindy Kaling. I love that book too. But it’s not correct. Mary’s favorite book is Q & A, which is what Slumdog Millionaire was based on. Speaking of movies, what is her favorite movie?
Oh my god, I know this one! Stand by Me!
Yes! Who is her number-one celebrity crush?
I want to say River Phoenix. Or it could be Miles Teller.
Miles Teller—you got it. And then—this is probably too hard, and most likely neither of you will get it right—but what is her biggest phobia?
Um, god, what is Mary really afraid of? I don’t know. She’s not afraid of heights….um, I don’t know. I’m just gonna go with “I don’t know” for that one.
It turned out to be the same as my biggest fear, which is being buried alive.
Now let’s see how Mary did. What’s your favorite food?
I have a lot of favorite foods. I really like pepperoni.
She guessed orange juice and chili.
Oh my gosh, orange juice is my favorite drink! If you asked me that, that would’ve counted.
Let’s just count it, then. What’s your favorite TV show?
I have a couple, but I’m gonna go with Adventuretime.
What was the other one?
I really like the show Supernatural, but I don’t tell people about that, because it’s like a secret, embarrassing one. My all-time favorite show of all time, which I don’t talk about either, because it’s not on the air anymore, is Flight of the Conchords.
She said Adventuretime or Futurama, so she got that right. What’s your favorite book?
I’ve read so much in my life, I can’t even…ummmmm….probably Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
She couldn’t come up with an answer for this one. She just talked about your Kindle.
Right, Kendall’s Kindle. Everyone thinks that’s hilarious.
Your favorite movie?
She probably said The Avengers, and that’s true—I really love that movie, and I’m obsessed with superheroes. Or she might have said Charlie’s Angels—that used to be be my favorite movie, so I’ll count that if she said it. But my favorite movies are actually Kill Bill: Vol. 1, Fight Club, and Donnie Darko.
She said Donnie Darko and the Harry Potter movies.
At this point you guys are tied, but there are still two more questions, so it’s anyone’s game. Who’s your biggest celebrity crush?
She said it was this animated character in The Princess and the Frog. [Laughs]
Oh my god! The prince?
I cried about him once, though.
Have you ever looked up the guy who voiced him? Or did you want your obsession to remain cartoon based.
It was cartoon based, but I think I have looked him up to see if he was hot.
No. It’s Chris Evans.
What’s your biggest phobia?
Whoa, that’s so existential! She said dairy products.
[Long pause] She said…what?
The family of dairy products. Milk-based things.
Oh my god! That is not my biggest fear! But I don’t eat cheese.
Not even on pizza?
No. I don’t eat any of it.
Are you lactose intolerant?
No, I eat ice cream, and I eat milk in my cereal. I don’t eat yogurt. I don’t like whipped cream very much.
This whole thing, I feel like, is a texture thing.
A lot of it is a texture thing. Like, I don’t touch things that are white and creamy.
Which sounds grosser than I meant it!
Is there anything else you’d like to tell the world about your friend Mary?
Mary’s the best. She’s the coolest person—just generally awesome.
She said to tell you that she loves you.
I love her, too!
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ROOKIE: Hey guys. So, you tied. Three correct answers each. Reactions?
KENDALL: I’m not surprised LOL.
MARY: Three out of how many?
MARY: Eehhhhh. Between the two of us, did we get all six right? Or were there questions where both of us got the answer wrong?
No, you didn’t get all six right between the two of you—neither of you got “favorite book” or “biggest phobia” right.
MARY: Yeah, that’s not so good.
Sorry to break the news to you: You have been kicked off Friend Crush.
MARY: Aaaaaaaaaah ♦
Interviews conducted by Anaheed.
To nominate your buddy for a Friend Crush, send us a note about her! Please include a big, clear picture of JUST her, a big, clear picture of JUST you, and both of your ages and email addresses.