Dear Diary

December 25, 2013

Power failures, epiphanies, and transcendence.


The new year is creeping up on me like a seductive predator. I want to be better to myself after a long time spent playing the martyr. But I fear that when I go back to school after winter break, I will let the same people—my classmates, some of whom call themselves my friends—walk all over me again. These are supposed to be the best years of my life, or at least somewhat good; I do not want to look back at it one day and see nothing but a requiem for a dream. I am already beginning to see it that way now.

I look into the eyes of the boy I thought was the only one who really saw me, and I see cold silence. I don’t look up when someone calls me a downer or tells me that I have no reason to be this way and that I ruin all the fun. I let the knives that shoot out of my friends’ mouths find a home in my chest. I have to stop being a casualty. ♦


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  • Kathryn December 25th, 2013 8:38 PM

    All of the diaries are especially beautiful this week.

  • shaaash December 25th, 2013 8:42 PM

    I can relate so much to Naomi and Britney right now. Don’t worry, things will look up no matter how long it takes. xx

  • ColoredSoft December 26th, 2013 1:26 AM

    Britney, screw all the people that walk all over you and treat you like crap. Shove them out of your life, and become the badass you are, because you are. You don’t deserve that.

  • julalondon December 26th, 2013 5:38 AM

    Katherine, this was beautiful! I don’t know you but you seem like an awesome Person!!=)

  • peppermintmoo December 26th, 2013 5:49 AM

    Katherine, I love love love your entry. The world often feels very intimate to me (especially after stepping out of a movie theater), and sometimes it seems like my emotions intensify to match the level of closeness I feel to everything around me.

    I especially love, “Every look, every word, every adjustment of someone’s posture feels like a physical touch. When someone talks to me, I feel as if their hands are fumblingly touching my face like the arms of a squid moving over a rock, gently slapping and sliding all over the surface. It is eerie and extremely intimate.”

    When I feel this way I notice that every move I make is very deliberate. I step off of the curb a certain way; I put my hand around my pop can in a careful manner, as if and everything and everyone is electric. I look at peoples’ hands a lot. They give off sparks.

  • lexilikes December 26th, 2013 10:01 AM

    Britney I can always relate to your entries and oddly they seem to always be similar with what’s happening in my life. And I totally agree – these ARE supposed to be the best years of our lives, but they are also arguably the hardest, which is what makes it so memorable. <3

  • mangointhesky December 26th, 2013 11:25 AM

    These are all beautiful. I especially love yours, Naomi!

  • rhymeswithorange December 27th, 2013 12:13 AM

    Katherine SUPER beautiful! I can relate so much. It can be so scary to feel, but wonderful too

  • poirespoirespoires December 27th, 2013 1:26 PM

    Katherine, do you have other writing on the internet???