November 19

Darling Evie—

Thank you SO SO much for the beautiful cookbook! What a thoughtful gift! I’ve already picked out a recipe for the big day: cinnamon swirled sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top. The book says it’s a “traditional dish with a modern twist.” Just like me, right?! LOL!

Much Love,
Auntie Deb
November 19

Evie Knievie—

My stomach thanks you. The truce stands. Thanks for sending the book via express mail. She was just about to make something called “Deb’s Dollops of Duck.” The name alone makes me queasy.

Good Looking Out,
Uncle M.
November 29

Dear Evie,

It was GREAT to see you yesterday. I’m so pleased that my sweet potatoes were a hit! Uncle Mitch even had seconds! What a smash!

And it was so nice to meet your sweetheart. I’ve never had Thanksgiving dinner with a “goth” before! What a treat! I must admit that I was a little taken aback at first, but as soon as we got to talking, I was charmed. And I got some makeup tips as well! What a great holiday.

You’ll have to forgive me if this email is a bit loopy—Carolyn and I got up at 4 AM to hit the Black Friday sales! What a rush! I think I bought too much, but the sales were too good to pass up! If you know anyone who needs a food processor for Christmas, let me know! I’ve got a bunch!!!

Uncle Mitch refused to come along. He says it’s “too corporate” (typical Mitch!) but he’ll be singing a different tune on Christmas, when I tell him about the deal I got at Game Galaxy for that precious “system” he’s been dropping hints about!

What’s on your list this year? Let me know and I’ll give Santa a shout! (Wink, wink! LOL!)

Auntie Deb
December 4

Christmas Evie—

Has she told you anything about my present? I keep clearing my throat whenever the commercial for the Xbox One comes on, but I’m not sure if she’s picking up what I’m throwing down. I’ve already got her present ready to go. She’s going to freak out. It’s something she’s been asking for for years and years. To be honest, I’m kind of freaking out about it too. Pretty stoked for the big day to get here.

Sorry things didn’t work out with ol’ Hot Topic. I didn’t want to blow it up at Thanksgiving, but I know a poser when I see one. I got a blank stare when I asked about Bauhaus. C’mon! That’s 101. Don’t paint your face if you can’t plead your case. In any case, I hope you aren’t taking it too hard. Remember what I’ve always told you: Heavy times call for heavy metal. The best medicine there is.

Slayer Saves,
Uncle Mitch
December 10

Darling Evie,

I’m glad you liked the care package. We just thought we’d send a little sunshine (and sugar) your way! I hope you feel better soon. And always remember how loved you are! I dated quite a few frogs before finding ol’ Uncle Mitch. You’ll find the right person some day. There’s no rush!

Speaking of a rush, there’s only 15 days left until Christmas Day! Can you believe it?! I have so much to do!!! You still have to send me some ideas for your present, OK? I don’t want to repeat the embroidered bee shirt debacle of 2009.

Love and Hugs,
Auntie Deb

P.S. Has Mitch said anything about my present? I can’t get a THING out of him!
December 14

Evie Ray Vaughan—

We’re all set for the 24th. I need you to get her out of the house for about two hours so I can drive to the pickup spot and back.

Secret Agent Man,
Uncle Mitch

P.S. If you don’t send your aunt a present idea soon, she’s going to end up buying you one of those hats that say “#1 Niece” on them. Just saying.
December 17

Thanks for the list, but you’re a little late! Your gift is already wrapped and under the tree, and it’s pretty “baller” if you ask me (did I use that right?). Uncle Mitch and I picked it out last week. I think you’ll love it! Sorry—we couldn’t fit Harry Styles in a box! LOL!! Maybe next year!!!

Mitch is being an absolute Secret Sally about my gift! It’s pretty exciting, I must say. But let’s remember that Christmas isn’t about presents, it’s about PRESENCE. As in, the presence of your family and friends. Isn’t that a nice sentiment? I saw it on a sign at Jeanne’s House of Cards. (They’re having a huge Yankee Candle sale, by the way! What a dream!)

Jingle All the Way,
Auntie Deb
December 23


T-minus 24 hours. LET’S DO THIS!

—Santa’s Most Kickass Helper (Uncle Mitch)
December 23


Tomorrow at four? But it’s Christmas Eve! Are you sure we can’t get manicures some other time?

December 23

You know what? You’re right. I could use a little relaxation before the big family party. And my nails could use a holiday polish! It was very thoughtful of you to make the appointment. I’ll pick you up at 3:30 and we’ll get a pretzel in the food court beforehand. I can’t resist those delicious things!

Love and Holiday Hugs,
Auntie Deb
December 25

Darling Evie—

You rascal!!!! I still can’t believe that you helped Uncle Mitch pull this whole thing off. This has been the best Christmas ever. I was so shocked when we walked in the front door and that adorable little pup came running towards me! Isn’t he the cutest dog you’ve ever seen? He came from the pound, but he’s just perfect. We’re still deciding on a name. I want to call him Groban, and Uncle Mitch wants to call him Knuckles. I’m sure we’ll find a compromise.

It was an absolute joy to spend Christmas with you and the family. The scarf you gave me is exquisite! And Uncle Mitch loves the zombie game you gave him for the Xbox One. He’s barely stopped playing it! I may have to spray him with his own antidote! HA!

Merry Christmas,
Auntie Deb

December 25


I think we’re gonna name the dog Axl, because he came from the rescue place with a red bandanna tied around his neck and because he was apparently rescued in November, during a rainstorm. That’s just fate giving you the pieces and telling you to put ’em together, right? His middle name (which is apparently a real thing people give dogs?) is Groban, but let’s never speak of that again.

You’re very welcome for the present. I don’t know anything about those tablets, but the “Genius” said it was the best one, so if he lied to me, let me know.

Thanks again for the poster (badass) and for your help surprising Deb. The look on her face was the best present I could have asked for. (Don’t repeat that to anyone. I have a reputation to uphold.)

Merry Christmas,
Uncle Mitchmas

P.S. So weird that Santa left that extremely realistic-looking rat at the bottom of your stocking! Made you scream and everything! Awful stuff!
P.P.S. Mwah-ha-ha!

December 25

Darling Evie—

I’m so glad you liked your present. I hope it brings you as much joy as you bring us.

P.S. “Woof woof woof! I love you too, Evie!” —Axl Groban (LOL! J/K!) ♦