I’m done spending all of my time worrying about school work or spending inordinate amounts of time on school work and rarely letting myself do anything else, even on weekends.
I’m done going to boring college parties (I went to maybe five this semester, but I still get to be SO OVER them). I’m done going to social events where I know I will feel disconnected and far away and then leave halfway through. But I’m also done making excuses for not working harder to make friends. I’m ready to give up giving up.
I’m done with, or at least fed up with, my fear of being known by other people. There’s a girl in one of my classes I hung out with twice, but during every gap in our conversations I was so visibly nervous that she had to tell me to calm down, then when she said she liked Robert Frost I said I didn’t like him because my high school was always pushing “Fire and Ice” and “The Road Not Taken” on us—but what kind of idiot doesn’t like something just because they studied it in school? Those poems were always boring to me. Why didn’t I say that and ask what his interesting stuff was? Remembering how weird and thoughtless I was around her makes me cringe, and I don’t want her to even see me again.
I need to be done with so much. ♦