Dear Diary

November 20, 2013

People are the worst, too bad we need them.

Katherine

I’m done spending all of my time worrying about school work or spending inordinate amounts of time on school work and rarely letting myself do anything else, even on weekends.

I’m done going to boring college parties (I went to maybe five this semester, but I still get to be SO OVER them). I’m done going to social events where I know I will feel disconnected and far away and then leave halfway through. But I’m also done making excuses for not working harder to make friends. I’m ready to give up giving up.

I’m done with, or at least fed up with, my fear of being known by other people. There’s a girl in one of my classes I hung out with twice, but during every gap in our conversations I was so visibly nervous that she had to tell me to calm down, then when she said she liked Robert Frost I said I didn’t like him because my high school was always pushing “Fire and Ice” and “The Road Not Taken” on us—but what kind of idiot doesn’t like something just because they studied it in school? Those poems were always boring to me. Why didn’t I say that and ask what his interesting stuff was? Remembering how weird and thoughtless I was around her makes me cringe, and I don’t want her to even see me again.

I need to be done with so much. ♦

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15 Comments

  • kolumbia November 20th, 2013 7:27 PM

    Naomi, what you wrote in your CW class resonates so deeply with me. I’m in the throes of an agonizing crush, and your thoughts clarified a lot of what I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve realized that I need to work on myself first and then figure things out with this boy. So thanks.

  • Viaperson November 20th, 2013 7:34 PM

    britney: <3 you are so good, at all times. don't worry, don't worry, don't worry.

  • jedarq93 November 20th, 2013 7:50 PM

    Naomi, :c I don’t have the moral right to say this, but there are certain things I wish I had done when I had the chance, and I didn’t because thought it was not the right time; there always will be doubts, we will think about the pros and cons, but the life doesn’t stops for us, we have to make a desicions, whatever you feel like, we’ll be ok. Sorry, I’m in the romantic mood , for some of us relationships happen once in an aeon, it gives the perspective that THAT kind of connection with another human being is not that regular, it’s all about reciprocity! Also there must be (under a igneous stone probably) some way to love without aching or feeling ill, I keep believing… So good luck with your week and your writting is lovely, so nostalgic!
    pd: oh, leather jackets.

  • rhymeswithorange November 20th, 2013 8:31 PM

    All great entries this week. Hang in there everyone <3

  • Monica B November 20th, 2013 11:50 PM

    Katherine, I relate to you every week. It’s getting to be out of hand.

  • Gabrielle Kristine November 20th, 2013 11:57 PM

    Ruby, your last line hit me like a pile of bricks! I know what you’re going through. I have felt that way for quite some time now.

  • elliecp November 21st, 2013 2:40 AM

    ugh I love this section

    http://roseandvintage.blogspot.com/

  • Sophii November 21st, 2013 3:11 PM

    The Rookie diary entries are possibly the posts that I look forward to most. Katherine, I really relate to what you’ve written xoxo

    http://prettypassionsfinefashions.blogspot.co.uk

  • honorarygilmoregal November 21st, 2013 4:42 PM

    Katherine, I relate to your entry so much it isn’t even funny. And Brittany, being indecisive sucks, I know. I feel ya. But you are so NOT pathetic <3

    http://perkstobeinginfinite.tumblr.com

  • Tiger November 21st, 2013 8:31 PM

    I love you all so much

  • moon_in_love November 21st, 2013 11:06 PM

    Hi Naomi, you feel in the same way I do.
    Do you have a Tumblr?

  • Rebdomine November 22nd, 2013 4:37 AM

    Ruby <3

  • letamartini November 23rd, 2013 5:56 AM

    Naomi Christina – I am totally convinced we should best friends

    • Naomi November 23rd, 2013 7:52 PM

      well that’s just lovely – let’s