Dear Diary

September 4, 2013

September waits for no one.


No familiar human saw me as I got on a plane Tuesday on my way to Massachusetts. No one saw me as I took a cab to school, carried my luggage to my dorm, and got my keys. Everything feels vaguely unreal, false the way September sounds cold but is very hot. Who did I tell I was going here? My immediate family, one friend, and my neighbor when she asked about school. I didn’t tell many of my former professors or acquaintances and forgot to tell one of my roommates I wasn’t coming back.

After carting around my shit in the sickly, soupy air for 45 minutes, I turn into a greasy red hot dog. I go into my room, open the windows, and take off everything except my underwear bottoms, and lay down on my suitcase, breathing deeply to catch the slightly less soup-y air coming in through the window.

I wake up to the sound of someone opening my door, struggle to place where I am, and tilt my head backwards to see a pair of work boots and khakis. I yelp, the handyman looks over, sees me, screams, and fumbles out. I don’t tell anyone until I email Danielle and tell the story to a group of sophomores I met in the cafeteria. Then it feels more like it happened.

Later that night, it rained as I waited outside my dorm for a pizza I would share with some freshmen. While waiting, I think I see a robbery in the faculty offices next door. A man parks a car adjacent to the building, the emergency lights go on, and several men get out. They enter the house through the side porch, and I see a basement light go on, then off. A minute later, two men begin to exit the house from my side, one carrying a clear trash bag with something black inside, look in my general direction, and re-enter the house. I, nervous at this point, moved through the shadows to the other side of the building. I don’t think I hallucinated, but it didn’t feel real. Maybe I should have called campus police, but I felt it wouldn’t work or that everything was fine and I projected my mild fear of being outside at night onto these people.

Later that night, everything was sticking together: sheets to my skin, my thighs to each other when I walked, and all items to the surfaces on which they were resting. I walked through a row of showers on my way to the bathroom—the shower curtains moved backwards as I walked past them, making scraping noises as they unstuck. Calmly thrilled by the effect I was having on the curtains, I pushed one towards the interior of the shower. It made a noise. I act and objects respond.

Saturday night, I walked into town to go to CVS. In the cleaning aisle, an old man farted and leaned slightly my way as he passed. An accident, I thought. As I passed him on my way to another aisle, he bent over and aimed a fart at me, shifting in order to fart at me a few more times as I got further away. I was shocked and grossed out and texted my brother. “Nasty,” he said. Being at school is beginning to feel like reality. ♦


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  • rottedteeth September 4th, 2013 7:50 PM

    Although farting toward someone on purpose is “ew!” that’s hilarious.

  • actressgirl September 4th, 2013 8:03 PM

    Is Ruby ok? I think her last few entries had a lot of us worried.

    • Anaheed September 4th, 2013 8:40 PM

      Yeah, she’s fine. She just has a lot going on this week.

  • Sophie ❤ September 4th, 2013 9:01 PM

    As always, this is too amazing for words.

  • sungiant September 4th, 2013 9:11 PM

    Caitlin! I feel the saaame way since starting my AP studio art class and i kind of hate art right now

  • decemberflower September 4th, 2013 9:12 PM

    Caitlin’s diary page describes my thoughts every day. I always feel like the time we are growing up in offers so many opportunities to us (that is, if we have the privilege of having access to them) that it pressures young people to be more and more focused at a younger age, and it’s stressful. It’s often not enough anymore to just do well in school; you have to have something else, and to attend summer programs for it and have a blog about it and start a club and do all of these things. Those are great things to do, it’s just that all of the expectation leaves me so overwhelmed that I don’t want to do any of it. I’m terrified that I’ll reach adulthood and find that everyone is ten times more experienced than me in whatever I’m pursuing.

    • Caitlin H. September 8th, 2013 7:00 AM

      yes, that’s exactly it… we’ll just have to wait and see I guess.

  • bawlingbrother September 4th, 2013 9:54 PM

    this isn’t a diary it’s a missed connection for a (hopefully) clean & df Mass. CVS farter

  • Tiger September 4th, 2013 10:23 PM

    caitlin your piece this week is so perfect and i know exactly how you feel

  • roselikesclothes September 4th, 2013 10:34 PM

    Aaaww, unbearable humidity and rude people in CVS. Welcome to Massachusetts, Katherine!

  • intergalactic fork September 4th, 2013 11:04 PM

    dood, katherine, dont u know that farting on someone is the best way to show respect, appreciation, and admiration? or have i been doing it wrong this whole time i mean it would explain a lot like how everyone i look up to runs away from me and looks really offended after i show them i appreciate them and their existence :/

  • lydiamerida September 4th, 2013 11:37 PM

    Caitlin why r u so eloquent? Srsly I want your brain plz

  • taste test September 5th, 2013 12:44 AM

    katherine, it is so fucking surreal that you go to my school now. like I have been to that CVS many times and experienced the same random humidity and I may have even seen the police come to that robbery, in which case I don’t live very far from you. damn. I can’t handle this.

  • emeraldruby September 5th, 2013 2:43 AM

    Arghh Naomi that is exactly how I feel. I’m finishing high school in like two months and I miss it already, but I’m still there, still a school student. Trying to hang on to that title for as long as I can!

  • flocha September 5th, 2013 6:51 AM

    Naomi, I hope going to university goes well for you! I am leaving homenext year hopefully too, and it seems weird that I just won’t be with my family, which is such a weird thought because I have lived with them for nearly eighteen years.

  • Ella W September 5th, 2013 2:05 PM

    ‘September sounds cold but is very hot’ – soo true! I wore jeans today to school, in the 28 degree heat! I was sweating like a pig all day – perfect way to start of 6th form!
    Ella x

  • melissathecat September 5th, 2013 4:55 PM

    Naomi, I can relate to your situation so well! When I go to school I’m also 2 hours away from home and my boyfriend and it seems so much farther from him compared to everything else. I pulled through it last year and I’m going to do it again this year. I can say for myself at least, it really helps to get into a routine at school and to look forward to the weekends and breaks when you can go back to what’s wonderful and familiar. Good luck, I hope everything turns out greatly for you!! :)

  • Princess Mononoke September 6th, 2013 3:49 PM

    Britney, I totally agree. I was really excited about the start of high school and then as it got closer and closer I got less and less excited until I really didn’t want to go to high school at all. It’s not that bad though.

  • ColoredSoft September 7th, 2013 4:10 PM

    You’re gonna do great, Britney!!!!