Dear Diary

September 18, 2013

Is the first week of school fun for anyone?

Ruby

I stand almost ankle-deep in mud, surrounded by screaming people. Their jackets have spikes on them and their heads are half-shaved.

It’s hard to breathe. Smoke is everywhere, high over the heads of the people screaming. It smells like mostly cigarettes, maybe a third weed. I don’t know why, but I enjoy the smell of both. They smell strong and harsh and sharp. I think smoke is beautiful. Maybe even more beautiful than fire.

People are shoving one another, trying to push forward, not caring about the others in the crowd. Screaming, smoking, shoving. I’m surrounded by denim, mud, leather jackets, smoke, and sound. There are no other things.

There’s another cloud in the air. Vapor from dry ice is pouring onto the stage.

The lights go on.

Frank Black stares out at the screaming fans. I stare silently at him. I look around at the other band members, silently judging the new bassist. Kim Deal was perfect, after all.

They pause with their arms hovering slightly above their instruments. The crowd falls silent. All we have to live for is this antici

…pation. The first chord comes down like a hammer, and David Lovering breaks into a beat.

I’ve been waiting for this moment for years. ♦

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7 Comments

  • Iin September 18th, 2013 8:06 PM

    Ruby i love you

  • ColoredSoft September 18th, 2013 8:54 PM

    Britney…baby girl, it’s just been your first week. Stay positive!!! I wish someone told me that in all caps: STAY POSITIVE!!!! Also, I wish someone had told me in all caps: BE YOURSELF!!!! These are really important things. If we’re positive, we can go do the things we want and stay rooted when things don’t go well! If we are ourselves, then we are free! You deserve to be free.

  • whyamidreamingwhenimstillawake September 18th, 2013 9:49 PM

    Oh britney… I know exactly how you feel. Sort of like you dont properly exist.
    It sucks so bad.
    :(

  • intergalactic fork September 19th, 2013 8:53 AM

    britney!! i love you so much! everything gets better after high school!! you can do this!!

  • thelilacparadox September 19th, 2013 5:54 PM

    First off, OMG RUBY YOU SAW THE PIXIES I AM SO FUCKING JEALOUS. Secondly, can I be friends with all of the diary writers? You’re all amazing beyond belief. Although I’ve never seen a photo of many of you, I feel like I’d find you in a crowded room, easy.

    http://paradoxicalmusingsofme.blogspot.com/2013/09/should-have-could-have-would-have.html

  • speakthroughvision September 19th, 2013 8:31 PM

    Dear Britney,
    My best friend sustained this suffocating position for an entire year before she finally decided to transfer to my school. The high school she moved to provided her with a more accepting group of friends. Though many people tend to be shallow and hide many things about themselves, once you get to know them better, a lot of weird stuff can come out trust me! I think on the surface everyone hides their weirdest sides… the sides they only reserve for close friends. I don’t like it when people are shallow when it comes to relating to me in conversation either, but I’v found that sometimes its because they’re simply not comfortable enough with THEIR deeper sides. Transferring schools won’t necessarily solve the problem… There’s always hope and opportunity. You’ll find friends in unlikely places! Stay open to making friends girl, don’t give up :) <3

  • biankaberta07 September 20th, 2013 5:50 PM

    Britney, this has to be the most relatable article i’ve read in a while!!! you put into word exactly how i feel right now…