Dear Diary

September 18, 2013

Is the first week of school fun for anyone?


Rainy days remind me of the time when I took my first and only piano exam. It was a proper rainy day. Me and mum had to wait in a strange building with creepy corridors and cold floors. I must have had nerves for the exam, and the unfamiliarity of the place gave me an uneasiness, the walls giving off that slight static of unreality I feel sometimes when weather and circumstance conspire to numb the part of my brain that makes sense of things. I can’t even remember what this building, awkward and strange as it felt, was normally used for—except there was an organ in one room, so it must have been a place of worship of some sort. In any case, my nerves didn’t stop me anyway—I got grade 1* distinction in piano.

I have a sore throat and a new haircut. In two weeks I’ll be in London. The temperature will be a few degrees higher down south, a different climate almost. I don’t really care about goodbyes. My brain has moments when it seems to process this impending change, but I wonder if it is better not to think about it and just do it. My nerves don’t need to stop me, and I can get a grade 1 distinction in LIVING LIFE. I hope.

Be the heroine of your life, not the victim. Be the heroine of your life, not the victim. Be the heroine of your life, not the victim.**

Heroine goes to London like she always dreamed of.
Heroine goes to London and finds fulfilment.
Heroine goes to London and is never bored.
Heroine goes to London and finds like-minded people.
Heroine goes to London and studies and learns and reads the most she ever has.
Heroine goes to London and pursues her longest-held goal of studying English at university. ♦

* Grade 1 = like an A.
** This is something my mother once said to me. I think she read it in a Nora Ephron book.


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  • Iin September 18th, 2013 8:06 PM

    Ruby i love you

  • ColoredSoft September 18th, 2013 8:54 PM

    Britney…baby girl, it’s just been your first week. Stay positive!!! I wish someone told me that in all caps: STAY POSITIVE!!!! Also, I wish someone had told me in all caps: BE YOURSELF!!!! These are really important things. If we’re positive, we can go do the things we want and stay rooted when things don’t go well! If we are ourselves, then we are free! You deserve to be free.

  • whyamidreamingwhenimstillawake September 18th, 2013 9:49 PM

    Oh britney… I know exactly how you feel. Sort of like you dont properly exist.
    It sucks so bad.

  • intergalactic fork September 19th, 2013 8:53 AM

    britney!! i love you so much! everything gets better after high school!! you can do this!!

  • thelilacparadox September 19th, 2013 5:54 PM

    First off, OMG RUBY YOU SAW THE PIXIES I AM SO FUCKING JEALOUS. Secondly, can I be friends with all of the diary writers? You’re all amazing beyond belief. Although I’ve never seen a photo of many of you, I feel like I’d find you in a crowded room, easy.

  • speakthroughvision September 19th, 2013 8:31 PM

    Dear Britney,
    My best friend sustained this suffocating position for an entire year before she finally decided to transfer to my school. The high school she moved to provided her with a more accepting group of friends. Though many people tend to be shallow and hide many things about themselves, once you get to know them better, a lot of weird stuff can come out trust me! I think on the surface everyone hides their weirdest sides… the sides they only reserve for close friends. I don’t like it when people are shallow when it comes to relating to me in conversation either, but I’v found that sometimes its because they’re simply not comfortable enough with THEIR deeper sides. Transferring schools won’t necessarily solve the problem… There’s always hope and opportunity. You’ll find friends in unlikely places! Stay open to making friends girl, don’t give up :) <3

  • biankaberta07 September 20th, 2013 5:50 PM

    Britney, this has to be the most relatable article i’ve read in a while!!! you put into word exactly how i feel right now…