It was the summer after ninth grade, and I was hopelessly in like with a skater boy named Tony. He had the cutest crooked teeth and wore the most torn-up jeans and he asked me out in class at 11:11 via handwritten note two weeks before school got out. I said yes, and after that we would push our desks really close together in class. I spent first month of summer making out with Tony every afternoon. I feel like everything happened during our makeouts.
That was the summer that all of the celebs died. We found out Michael Jackson died between Tony trying to figure out how to take my bra off and me not knowing what to do with my hands.
When Fourth of July came around, Tony was kind of ignoring me and I didn’t feel like anyone really wanted to be my friend.
I felt really weird, so I went home by myself and stayed up all night for the first time in my life and lay on the grass and watched the sun rise.
Then there was a period where Tony was afraid to break up with me, and I was afraid that he would break up with me.
Whenever we would text I’d ask him when I could see him again, and he would always say, “I don’t know.”
I went away to summer camp for a week and really hoped he would write to me—he never did. Camp is supposed to be the best time of the summer, but I couldn’t really enjoy myself. I felt sad, and just so distant from myself. Camp wasn’t as special as it was when I was a little kid. It had, like, lost its magic. I felt old.
We made dream boats and ate dream cake and I always made the wish that the candle would somehow make him like me again.
A week later I was babysitting for my neighbors and I texted Tony saying, “Tony, do you still like me?” I waited 15 torturous minutes and then he said, “Sorry but I don’t really know.” He proceeded to break up with me over text. I’d been dumped by a boy before (a few months earlier, in fact), but this was different. I felt like I was drowning. (This is very dramatic, but everything feels like the end of the world when you’re 15.)
There was this other boy who had liked me for a long time but I never liked him back in the same way. He invited me to the beach and I was sad and mopey and wanted to do something with myself, so I went.
His dad drove us.
My best friend Lillie sort of brought me back to life at this time, but I still missed Tony.
Mostly, I missed making out with Tony.
My friend Liam and I went to the lake with our families. We went out in our inner tubes at night to look at the stars.
Those were really magical nights.
At the end of the summer I went to see my favorite band, and it was like one of the first times where I had so much fun with so many people. We were all dancing together as one big group. I’d never really experienced that before.
The summer ended on a weird and melancholy note, like it always does when you’re in high school. I kept going over everything that had happened in my head while I rode my bike around our neighborhood. I still think about it a lot. Kind of longing for the feeling of longing, almost. ♦
65 Comments
I was listening to “Too Young to Be in Love” by Hunx + His Punx while I scrolled through this and it was a truly lovely moment, brought together by some my favorite artists. I love your work so much, Olivia!
That’s perfect
perf
Amazing! Love this so much!
Absolutely beautiful!
wow these are absolutely amazing. <3 <3 <3 I love your work Olivia.
cute as hell
ahhh i didn’t want this to end
me neither
Oh my god me either, I normally don’t like photo diaries that much but this one really hit home.
This is such a beautiful collection of photos ! I’m curious though, are these photos from the time you are describing in the narrative or recreations ? xo
They are photos from the time she is describing.
This is AMAZING! Is it a true story? Are the photos of the real events, or were they staged to go with the story? It’s beautiful, beautiful work. 13 is my favorite.
i am also 15 and its the summer after ninth grade so i thought this would relate to me but it didnt (ive never had a boyfriend and who knows when the heck i will) but i loved the story and the pictures anyway great work :)
haha same same same
Olivia, thank you so much for this; your work is beautiful and this made me feel so much better. You’ve just described my summer. I’m 15 and there’s this guy who I really like and he liked me but then he started completely blanking me. That was like two weeks ago and we haven’t spoken since. It makes me feel like shit waiting for his texts and I keep beating myself up about it because it feels like such a pathetic thing to be upset about. I’m dreading seeing him in school next week. It’s been a long and lonely summer. I just want to forget about him but at the same time I really dont. (urgg, I sound like hugh grant in nottinghill – this is what you get when writing to soundtrack music)
OH MY GOD WORDS FAIL ME this is beautiful and wonderful etc.!!!!!! I LOVE YOU
This is beyond beautiful and magical. I’m going through situation right now which you seemed to narrate almost word by word.
These are all so pretty! I love the light and the hair and the clothes and just everything. My favourites are 14, 15 and 16.
Love this–beautiful commentary, beautiful photos, and an accurate description of that time in one’s coming of age. Also, a fun throwback to your earlier work.
I just feel really connected to this work. Wow is all I can say, amazing job! I’m 16 and you captured my feelings about boys and summer in a perfect way.
i enjoy this quite a bit ^_^
Lovely!!
this is so beautiful
omg, loved this.
i miss being 15.
It’s not so much the story or the pictures but the pairing of both that make this so special. I’d bet so many of us have felt that way…
Damn I fell in love with this girl’s work like senior year of high school and I remember all of these images vividly. It’s so nice to learn more about the stories behind them, thanks for sharing Olivia <3
olivia beeeeee <3
Twelve is beautiful. Really special pictures and the words to accompany them are special, too. Really well done. You’ve connected with so many people, I love that.
Wow. These photographs are absolutely incredible I especially love number 11, but they are all insanely beautiful.
This photo set made me nostalgic for my past summer loves and excited for my future ones.
Absolutely adored this.
I loved the dreamy photos and the meaningful storyline. I related to it a lot, even thought something like this has never happened to me.
So cool!
This was so beautifully written and I love the photo diary articles. While I was reading this I was listening to Harry & Bess by Ferraby Lionheart which is a really amazing song that fits this perfectly. loved it xx
this was perf! it represents my current summer pretty well
This is fucking beautiful
These are actual photos from that time? SO COOL!
This was so so so good.
Olivia I never realized the connection between all of these photos as a series, it’s beautiful for you to explain them.
THIS is why I love Rookie :)
I remember looking at these photos like four years ago thinking they were so beautiful. I still think that! It’s wonderful hearing the story behind each one. These are magical.
I remember scrolling through these photos on flickr right when they came out. I was 16 and a hopeless romantic, longing for Olivia’s life. I was jealous. Then I started going on adventures and kissing boys in Costa Rican hostels and jumping off waterfalls and driving 6 hours alone to see my friend’s band play then his mom told us we were being too loud in his room at 4am. I took my own photos and developed my own rolls of film and I realized the memories I cherish are crying in the car leaving Phoenicia and walking barefoot at 6am in the Hudson valley. Learning to take risks was the hardest and most rewarding experience of my teenz
This is a really great comment!
This was so beautiful, but the kind of beautiful that sneaks up on you and you can’t tell how much it’s hitting you until you realize that you’re tearing up at your computer screen.
oh, Olivia.
I had saved your very first photo years ago when they boy I loved making out with had broken up with me. that photo used to remind me exactly what that felt like. now, years later I can’t remember what that feels like. savour deep kisses!
This is an incredible photo diary! Love love love picture 9, and the sub title. Perf post xx
This is so crazy beautiful
Wow! This is beautiful, the photos were magical and the storyline is very powerful. More of these! xxx
I’m 17 and experienced this precisely this year.
That “sorry I don’t know” text coupled with that picture is just too accurate.
Thanks for this Olivia, it always helps knowing others have felt the same.
This is the most beautiful and melancholic photo diary I’ve ever seen. Because it captures with few words and few pictures that vibe that only summer can have.
i just love the photos even without the story. it kind of changes the way i look at the images and i don’t like that
This is so stunning and poignant and the photos combined with the text makes it really resonate with me. Shout out to all my fellow 15 year olds out there~
Beautiful shots. Don’t worry, there will be soso many better boys even in just the next few years that will treat you better <3
Wonderful… just wonderful. The photographs, the captions… the feel… it’s just wonderful. ;__;
I wish my summer was like this.
This is one of my favorite eye candies in quite awhile. The pictures are so freaking beautiful and the accompanying words are amazing. Plus, the caption is soo true. THANK YOU OLIVIA!!!
I love this. Love relating to those feelings and I feel those feelings.
holy shit this is perfect…last summer I fell in love with this guy and this summer it started to fall apart. I miss being innocent and happy and naive and in love, you know? Falling asleep talking to him on the phone last summer vs. falling asleep crying about him this summer :( I wish I could go back in time and take pictures of the most beautiful times of my life so I could have something tangible to remember what it was like to fall i love for the first time. thank you, olivia, because I have never before seen such an accurate representation of teenage love <3 <3 <3
This is so beautiful!
words can not describe. the pictures are stunning, and when i saw that they were from the time of the story i was completely blown away. im an aspiring photographer myself and i hope that one day my work can be as beautiful as yours and all of the other photographers on rookie. thank you. this is amazing.
my god this is sooo beautiful!!! It made me wish I was 15 again. lol
Ah! This was beautiful and so nostalgic!!
Wow, Olivia, seriously. You are insanely talented.
Sooo poetic and beautiful. Love all your works, olivia!
this is also quite perfect. its like a lana del rey song
This is so beautiful. It may or may not have made me cry.